The Counterattack of Haruhi Suzumiya
by Oroboro2
Summary: Sequel to "Turn". Looking down on the game board from above, the SOS Brigade must now fight a deadly battle of red and blue. The witches Bernkastel and Lambdadelta have issued their challenge. With previous failure on his shoulders, can Kyon find victory?
1. Prologue

The following contains spoilers for The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya (**Including novels 10/11) **as well as Umineko no Naku Koro Ni. Both franchises are the properties of Nagaru Tanigawa and Ryukishi07 respectively. This is my first foray into fanfiction, so I hope that you will find my attempt entertaining.

This story is a direct sequel to "The Turn of Haruhi Suzumiya.

* * *

><p>I woke up to the sounds of the seagulls crying.<p>

I was in a strange room, with a strange ceiling. Wait, no. That's not right. I've been here before. This is the same bed I slept in at the Ushiromiya family mansion. Same room, same blankets, same light streaming through the windows. Huh. Weird, let's see.

The last thing I remember was charging straight into that army of goats. I don't think it ended well for me, but was it all just a dream? A dream within a dream? Hell, am I still dreaming now? No, that's probably not it. If one kid could get stuck inside a time loop, than I suppose it could happen to me. There's plenty of precedent, after all. I just need to make sure I don't end up the same way.

"Good grief."

Damnit. I was really kind of banking on the last bit being a dream, and sacrificing myself like that would've sent me back home. Or to the island anyways. This is going to be a huge pain, I know it. I guess I just have to find Haruhi and get started all over again.

…

Waitaminute, Haruhi!

I leapt out of my bed as she came rushing back into my thoughts. Was she in the room with me? No. Last I saw her was when I closed the door… Did she get away? Maybe she was able to find a way out of this nightmare, or maybe Nagato and Koizumi were able to rescue her in time. Well, I suppose there's one way to check.

I made my way over to the door adjoining my room to Haruhi's, but before I could make it there, the door was thrown open and Haruhi dashed in.

"Kyon! Are you…?"

Her cry sputtered out when she caught sight of me, her face conveying a mix of worry and desperation, which slowly gave way to anger the longer she stared at me. Personally, I wasn't sure if should feel happy just seeing her here and knowing she's with me, or disappointed that she couldn't make it out, and leave me to deal with this on my own.

"Kyon you idiot! How could you do that back there? Telling me to run? Sacrificing yourself? What do you mean you're quitting the SOS Brigade? I can't believe that you… tell me…"

Haruhi rushed over to me, grabbing my collar roughly and shaking me, tears in her eyes, before she stopped with a choking sob, and tried to compose herself slightly.

"I'm sorry."

What else could I say? I doubt such a short apology is really sufficient, but maybe I can make it up to you more when we get out of this thing. After all, I'm sure there's—

*PAUSE*

* * *

><p>I set down the controller after pausing this "game" This really was too bizarre. I took a moment to stretch and yawn, before turning and voicing my complaints to Koizumi.<p>

"You know, I've probably said something like this a lot, and maybe meant it then, but I mean it this time with 100% absolute conviction – This is the weirdest goddamn thing I have ever done. "

On the screen in front of me was a frozen image of myself and Haruhi, her distraught and angry," me" trying to weasel his way out of something. The game was paused, and I was "playing" myself. Haruhi sat next to me as Player 1, and the rest of the SOS brigade was here with me, observing.

"If I were to guess, I'd say the video game is just a visual metaphor, a representation of something you're familiar with. It would probably work equally well a chessboard."

A visual metaphor? You know that's not really the problem I have with this whole situation. I don't really care if it's Chess, Shogi, Go, Othello, Backgammon, or even freaking Monopoly. Or maybe Clue would be more appropriate for this. The point is, well…

What the hell, man?

"If you're asking what the purpose of all of this is, I'm afraid your guess is as good as mine. This space certainly is very unique compared to anything we've seen before. But in my opinion, something like this is better than getting crushed by chains again. Wouldn't you agree?"

I suppose you have a point there. But that doesn't mean I have to accept it so blindly. There has to be a purpose to this, right?

We were in some sort of large sitting room. The windows all opened into a lovely view of the dark and twisting maelstrom of energy we were stuck in. There was no real way in or out, so this room was the only place we could be in this purgatory. The location could be worse though - There were plenty of large, comfy chairs, the big screens in the center of the room, numerous end tables to put stuff on, and even a small kitchen on the other side of the room, in which both Nagato and Asahina-san were currently occupied.

"We took a pretty big risk coming in here like this. All of us knew it was possible that it could be a one way trip, but we all decided saving you was worth the risk. It seems we've failed, but fortunately "death" apparently doesn't mean the same thing here as it does elsewhere. But that still hurt."

Yeah yeah. I've died twice now already, you don't have to tell me.

"Kyon… I… this all just…"

Its okay, Haruhi. Look, I barely understand this situation myself. None of us are really sure what's going on now. For the sake of saying something, let's just say we're trapped in some sort of alternate reality where all the rules are different. But what I do know is this – The SOS Brigade is all here now. Do you really think we won't be able to find our way out of this?

Haruhi turned and gave me a weak smile. Whatever had happened was pretty rough on all of us, but Haruhi had nearly broken under it all. It's really not a sight I like seeing. My memory of what happened after our little "Tea Party" is a bit fuzzy, but I know it took considerable effort to calm her down, and at some point we found ourselves here instead, playing this "game".

"This might sound weird, but I'm kind of glad you don't know anything about this either, Kyon. I just… I guess I thought you knew more and just weren't telling me, but… I'm sorry, I guess."

Ah crap. Don't look guilty. Harder than it sounds, actually. Well, I suppose I'm being honest this time. Mostly. I really am still clueless about all of this.

"Ah, here you go, Suzumiya-san, Kyon-kun. I just used what they had in the cupboards, but I'm pretty sure it's regular tea."

Normally with her meek demeanor, I'd expect our lovely Asahina-san to b e taking this situation a lot worse, but the team mascot is in 100% fighting condition, ready to do the best she can.

Haruhi of course, downed her tea in a single gulp, probably not even tasting a single drop. Such a waste. After she put her teacup down, Haruhi fiddled with her controller for a bit longer, before asking yet another question.

"Say, Kyon, this is a co-op game, right? We're in this together?"

Well, it's not like this thing has an interface or an instruction manual, but yeah, I'd say that.

"So then what's the point? I mean, what's our objective? To solve the murders? Are we going to have to watch everyone die again? Are we playing against someone else here?"

…

"I suppose that would be my cue to enter, wouldn't it?"

An unknown voice filled the room, as a swish of movement caught my eye. There was a girl, slowly floating down from the ceiling. She was young, maybe early teens, but it was hard to put a definite age to her. Long, flowing blue hair, some sort of frilly black dress, and a dull, emotionless look that conveyed wisdom beyond her years. The way she slowly descended made me think she would be better accompanied by a spotlight and some ominous Latin chanting.

"Who the hell are you!"

Haruhi leapt and shouted angrily, looking like she might rush the stranger at the slightest provocation. Her nerves are still shot; we can't afford something like that, can we? This girl is probably important. I took the chance to step in front of Haruhi just in case – Asahina-san had already yelped and ducked behind us both as well. Koizumi and Nagato were also on edge.

"Well well. What a surprise. This is certainly an interesting turn of events. I didn't expect for it to be you. But I suppose there's precedent for you showing up where you don't belong."

Huh? What the hell is she talking about? She had landed now and her gaze was focused on me, but it felt more like she was talking at me, rather than actually trying to start a conversation. Still in the kitchen, I could see Nagato staring directly at the girl with a steely, serious expression. I guess most people wouldn't notice the difference, but the intensity of her gaze probably meant something like "Danger"

"Who are you and what are you doing here?"

I spoke a little more forcefully than I intended too – maybe that was too rude. She might be able to get us out after all.

"Oh? What happened to your manners? Is that any way to greet a lady? But I suppose I should introduce myself. I am Bernkastel, Witch of Miracles."

Bernkastel? I thought the witch was supposed to be Beatrice. What's going on here? She punctuated her greeting with a short and precise curtsy. Nobody said anything, and everyone just stared for a bit. Finally, Haruhi worked up the nerve to introduce us.

"Uh, you're a Witch, huh? Well, I'm Haruhi Suzumiya, and this is Kyon, Koizumi, Mikuru, and Yuki. So can you get us out of here?"

Straight to the point. Although Bernkastel had been almost as expressionless as Nagato until now, a slight smile began to ply at her lips with Haruhi's comment.

"Oh, I can get you out of here all right. Just a snap of my fingers and you would all find yourselves back on Rokkenjima in 2011, everything here would be nothing more than a bad dream. But will I? Where's the fun in that, after all? You all just got here after all, why leave before the festivities even start?"

Great. Well, it really would have been too easy, but I'm beginning to have a sneaking suspicion this "witch" isn't a very pleasant person.

"I see. If you allow me to make a guess, then I'd be willing to assume you expect us to do something before we can get out of here? Some task or service, or more likely, to play that game?"

*POP*

"Wow Bern! They're smarter than I thought! And it really is a whole bunch of 'em too, you're so lucky! This is going to be so much fun!

With a flash of light, an explosion of multi-colored sparks, confetti, and what appeared to be candy, another girl appeared. She was the same apparent age as Bernkastel, blonde, and wearing enough pink and various decorations on her dress to give someone diabetes just by being in the same room. In the same instant she appeared, there was another flash of movement, and Nagato was standing in front of me, in between all of us and the two girls.

"Lifeform class: Voyager. Existence has been considered to be theoretical until now. A unique class of entity capable of crossing all dimensional barriers with access to every diverging point in all of space and time. Advanced data manipulation abilities is also suspected. Extreme danger."

"Aww, look Bern! It's one of the data puppets! I've always wanted to see one, but they're just so finicky and usually no fun! But we've got this one all to ourselves, and she's so cute too!"

"V-voyager? No way…"

Asahina-san whimpered at Nagato's explanation, and shrunk even further back behind everyone.

Hang on a second. You're saying these girls can travel between dimensions and parallel universes, right? Does that make them sliders?

"That is an applicable term."

Yes! Finally! I mean, this sucks and all, but now that I've finally seen the slider I can sleep easier at night knowing that final last thing won't be showing up unexpectedly. Just gotta get through this and it'll be smooth sailing from here on out.

…

Yeah right.

"Sliders? And who are you supposed to be? Are you really saying you two just plan to keep us here until we play your stupid game?"

Haruhi shouted at the two girls, but they really didn't seem to care. With another *POP*, the blonde girl disappeared and reappeared behind Haruhi, hanging upside down in midair.

"Hiya! I'm Lambdadelta, the Witch of Certainty. And we're going to keep you here, and torture you, and do whatever we want because this is our game board and you were just unlucky enough to stumble on it. Unless of course, you can beat the both of us at this game. In which case, we will let you go. I'll guarantee it with certainty. But it won't be easy! Bern and I are really good, and we've had a lot of practice. You could say the odds are stacked against you, so you'll probably just end up screaming and crying and begging for mercy, just like Battler used to do!  
>So, do you have what it takes, little girl?"<p>

Lambdadelta? That's Greek for 34, right? Haruhi's face slowly contorted with anger as Lambdadelta continued to taunt her, and almost seemed ready to take a swing at her when she disappeared with another *POP* and reappeared next to Bernkastel, giggling wildly."

"I can attempt to neutralize and brute force out of this space."

Attempt"? Does that mean if you fight them, you could lose?

"Unknown. The extent of data manipulation they possess is currently unknown. Furthermore, I cannot access the Integrated Data Thought Entity from inside this space, and am limited to my own abilities."

"Oh? You want to fight? I'm sorry little puppet, but this space is my domain. Fighting won't even be allowed unless I permit it. But even if we were to step outside, I would crush you into oblivion and cast you into the darkest depths of the fragment sea, where even your precious Entity couldn't find you."

Bernkastel answered with the same, slightly amused, slightly bored tone she'd been using this entire time. The slightest hint of a smirk she still held was already getting to be infuriating, and I'd only known this girl for a couple of minutes.

"Nagato. Let's not do any fighting, okay? We can play their stupid game."

"Understood."

Nagato backed down slightly, but still kept her vigilance and guard in between us and them. These two witches seemed familiar with Nagato's "kind", and if they're actually willing to fight her, that's a pretty terrifying thought. Of course, they could also be bluffing.

"Argh! Kyon, these two are starting to piss me off! Fine, we'll play your stupid game! And if we win, we get to go home right? The SOS Brigade never loses at anything! Come on Kyon, let's kick the crap out of them!"

I'm going to assume you meant that metaphorically. And sure, we have a decent track record of winning, but just for the sake of knowing, what happens if we do lose?

"Hmm? A good question. It'd be easy to say you just die, or even get tortured forever. But I really just came here for nostalgia, and rose tinted goggles tend to be just that. I'm not sure if I really feel like playing more than one game, so you've only got one shot. If you lose… let's see. Ah. You'll all become our pieces, forced to serve us in whatever reality we see fit, for all eternity. How does that sound?"

Bernkastel answered again with her cold expression, sending Lambdadelta into another fit of giggles. What a pair. I'm not sure I caught all of that, but enough was clear to make sure losing was not an option. Koizumi took this chance to clear his throat, and offer his own insights.

"In the interest of clearing every option, what were to happen if we simply refused to play at all?"

"No way! Not a chance! I won't allow it! I hate quitters. Win or lose, you have to give it everything you've got. You're going to play even if we have to twist your arms a little, right Bern?"

Lambdadelta fumed, stamping her foot like a little kid throwing a tantrum. It would almost seem cute if not for everything else.

"That's right, Lamba. If they really don't want to cooperate, we are Voyager witches after all. It wouldn't be very hard to find the universe they come from. We could turn it into our playground, if we so chose."

What? No way in hell. I could feel my own anger boiling now. Although she left it vague and just threatened our world, the meaning of this bit of clichéd villainy was clear – We can hurt your family. I stepped forward, and was probably about to say something stupid when I felt a light touch on my arm. It was Nagato, looking up at me with an expression that seemed to say "Don't worry". Thanks, Nagato. Of course, not everyone got the message

"Okay, we get it! You're bad guys! We'll play your game. Unfortunately for you, the bad guys always lose! The SOS Brigade stands for truth, justice, and love, and we absolutely won't let villains like you get away!"

Haruhi stood and pointed dramatically, grinning, and without the slightest bit of shame. Come on, what are we, a Super Sentai squad now? Despite how corny it was, seeing Haruhi give such a bold dramatic declaration warmed my heart. Everything had been taking a heavy toll on her, but it seems with a common enemy to stand and unite against, Haruhi could return to being the brigade leader we all know and love.

Lambdadelta was guffawing now at Haruhi's proclamation, and even Bernkastel seemed to be laughing silently. Haruhi still stood up there alone in defiance, and their scorn and arrogance was definitely directed at her. Damn, that really pisses me off. Haruhi's resolve flickered for a second, giving way to uncertainty, until I stepped forward and put my hand on her shoulder.

"Yeah, she's right. I'm not really sure why you witches think you're so awesome, but quite frankly I've dealt with tougher enemies in between studying for finals. If you really can hop between dimensions, maybe you should just leave now. Haruhi is right. The SOS Brigade doesn't lose."

Even if it was a total bluff, the smile Haruhi turned and gave me for that was among the best I've ever seen from her.

"Excellent as always, commander. I suppose I should say something as vice-commander, but I think you two already put it beautifully. I'm afraid whatever you witches may think of us, we're not your ordinary group of high school students."

Koizumi came over to stand next to us, followed by Nagato who remained silent. Lambdadelta had stopped laughing by now, and her face was distorted into a sickening grin. Asahina-san, who was still behind, fidgeted for a moments, before dashing to our side, and taking a deep breath.

"U-um… V-voyagers are _classified information, _and it's true that they can _classified information, _but we also know how to _classified information_ in response."

She actually managed to deliver that line with some boldness, although the censors kind of ruin the effect. I have a feeling that stuff might be important, too.

"Yes! That's it! Keep those fires burning all the way until the end! The harder you struggle, the fiercer you fight, it only makes it all the more satisfying when we grind your faces into the dirt and make you beg for mercy! This was definitely worth the trip. Alright then SOS Brigade. You face the beautiful and elegant Lady Lambdadelta, witch of Certainty, as well as the cruelest witch in the world, Lady Bernkastel. You fight for you freedom, and have put an eternity of servitude on the line as collateral. LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

* * *

><p>What else could I say? I doubt such a short apology is really sufficient, but maybe I can make it up to you more when we get out of this thing. After all, I'm sure there's something better I can say, something I can do, to explain this, make it all right. But someone who could do that would be a better man than I.<p>

"I'm sorry."

I repeated myself again, still at a loss for words as Haruhi sobbed softly into my shoulder. I put my arms around her and held her close for a time, but even that felt like a forced gesture. Damnit. I'm such a loser. I've been a really shitty friend up until this point, haven't I? Maybe you can forgive me someday? I'll do as many punishment games as you want, no questions asked. I'll be the SOS Brigade's pack mule; every cent of my allowance will continue to treat everyone to lunch. When I graduate and get a job, I'll devote most of my paycheck to the funding of the clubs descendents who follow after us.

*Knock Knock*

"Excuse me. I'm sorry for intruding, but—Ah, I see you two are already awake, and up. That says good things for your health. Oh, I'm Dr. Nanjo by the way. And you are?"

Dr. Nanjo entered into the room and greeted the two of us. Haruhi backed away and began wiping her tears away. I turned to greet the doctor, but froze. That's right—we time looped, right? For him, this is the first time we've met. Damn, this is going to be a pain. Is this what Battler had to go through at first? But after so many repetitions's, he obviously got used to it. We won't reach that point someday, will we? No way, don't even think about it. I refuse to let things get that bad.

"Uh, hello there. I'm Haruhi Suzumiya, and this is Kyon. I think that we washed up on the shore, right?"

Another chance to properly introduce myself robbed. Oh well, it'll never actually happen. At least Haruhi seemed to be on top of our situation. Dr. Nanjo confirmed that once again, we washed up half drowned, let somehow completely uninjured. We went through the same lies, the same medical examinations. Genji came in just like before. We got dressed in Jessica and George's spare clothes, respectively. I decided to wear something different, just to spite this repetition.

Next up, we had to be introduced to the whole family again. It went pretty much the same, although they didn't repeat themselves exactly. Rudolf's pickup line was much cornier, but Haruhi was ready for it this time around. Still, once we got to the end…

"Yo! Kyon, Haruhi, long time no see! Really a surprise you two showing up like this!"

"Whaaat! Battler-kun, don't tell me you already know both of them?"

Huh? What the hell are you doing! You're going to break the masquerade! Well, I don't really suppose it's that much of one; I mean nobody would even believe you right?

"Ihihihihi. Oh yeah. We're all good friends; we go to the same school together, y'know? Even if them happening to wash up on this island feels like too much of a coincidence. Say, you two didn't follow me here just because you missed me so much, did you?"

I see. I suppose that would make sense. Even rich kids have to go to school, and if he claims that he's met us before, nobody can really deny it, even if we haven't been born yet.

"Uh, yeah. I mean, yeah right. Why would we want to follow you just to intrude on your family gathering? Sorry, but no matter how you look at it, it's just an unfortunate accident."

"Oh come on, how come you didn't tell us you know these guys beforehand?"

"Because it's a lot more interesting and dramatic to say it when everyone's gathered around like this, don't you think?"

Battler was certainly in high spirits. I guess that ending before didn't affect him as much as it did me. To be expected. Everyone was laughing, joking around and generally in a good mood. This jovial atmosphere… It's nice, but somehow it feels wrong, in direct contrast to all the horror's I had already been through. And most likely, were still yet to come. Was it really okay just to smile and pretend everything is fine?

The gathering continued on for just a bit longer, quite a bit of awkward conversations and nervous missteps on whom or what we already knew. After awhile, it was time for the adults to start talking amongst themselves again, and the cousins were left to their own devices. Since we were "old friends", Haruhi and I finally found ourselves alone in one of the side hallways with Battler, presumably to "catch up".

"Honestly, I'm really glad to see you two back here. You still remember everything, right?" Had you only appeared once, and then never shown up again, it would've been too easy to write you off as just another delusion, or a painful dream. But you're back… right?"

Uh, yeah. I can see where you're coming from, but I can't say I'm really that thrilled on my end that I have to be here again.

"Hey, that's right. I ran into the forest at the end, but I ended up blacking out. But you guys saw the culprit, right? Who was it? Was it somebody on the island, or some unknown person who hasn't shown their face yet?"

Uh-oh. Haruhi just had to ask a question I didn't really want to answer. Would "I didn't really get a good look at them" work as an excuse? Wait, those goats were closing in all around us at the end. She probably at least caught a glimpse of one, right?

"Like I said before, the culprit isn't really something you can catch in the act. I mean, Kyon and I were torn apart by an endless army of goat demons, but knowing that doesn't really solve any mysteries. Just a load of crap. "

Damnit Battler, I thought I told you not to tell her!

"Goat demons? Kyon, what the hell is he talking about?"

* * *

><p>"Yeah Kyon. What <em><strong>is<strong>_ he talking about?"

Damnit videogame-Battler. You've failed me!

"Well, I suppose we're already sitting in purgatory playing videogame versions of ourselves in some twisted game against witches. I can tell you that much. Yeah, all the murders were pretty much done by magic. I was attacked by some weird stake-girl demon. A bunch of goat-minotaur things. It was all pretty ridiculous. I'm sorry I lied; I just wanted you to think this was still a mystery we could solve. The point of this game is probably to find a way to level grind and beat all these things."

Well, cat's out of the box now. Haruhi just stared at me in disbelief, looking somewhat hurt. A long, awkward silence ensued. Luckily, the witches had taken their leave to "prepare", otherwise I'm sure they'd be laughing rudely right now.

"Excuse me, Suzumiya-san. But I think Kyon may have stopped thinking a little too early. I've been giving this all some thought myself, and I may have come up with a better answer. First, let's show you."

Koizumi broke the silence, and then picked up what appeared to be the TV remote and pressed a few buttons. The scene shifted, and suddenly we were all watching me from yesterday. I met Kinzo in the hallway, overheard that he was apparently dead, saw Jessica's death (Gee, it wasn't traumatic enough the first time.), and then was attacked by Belphegor. Man, I can't believe I said something so corny. It looks totally different when you're watching from an outside perspective. Whatever omnipresent device was recording this, it apparently came with multiple camera angles, special effects, super-slow mo, sound effects, music, and even eye catches. It was like someone had decided to edit me into an action movie.

After that, Koizumi skipped forward to the end, when I faced off with Belphegor again, the goats came, chased me down the halls, I met up with Haruhi, we ran, I threw her outside. Wow, I look like a real jerk. Then, Battler made his entrance and we made our final stand, which thankfully cut right before the part where I lost, and the credits rolled. Huh.

"So… is that it then? This island is just a playground for demons and witches? Then what the hell is the point?"

Sorry Haruhi, but I'm afraid that's true. But was there really a point to showing her this, Koizumi?

"Actually yes, I was getting to that. You see, I'm not really convinced any of that was true."

What? Are you calling me a liar? I mean, we just watched it, right?

"Correct. We just watched was essentially a movie from your perspective of what happened. A movie with a lot of special effects and great action sequences, if you ask me. They were even kind enough to add sound effects. "

Just what are you getting at? And who is "they?"

"Whoever made the movie, of course. Probably those two from earlier, if I had to guess. It'd be easy to just assume that some sort of magical camera followed you around and recorded what you saw and did, like a documentary. But I have a theory that this "movie" was instead written this way, with a director and screenplay and everything that goes into creating a work of fiction. "

Okay, now you've lost me. Haruhi looked just as puzzled as I did. Look, I remember the whole thing as clear as day.

"But how reliable is your memory? After all, consider the place we are, and what seems to be possible here. Then consider that it's relatively easy to make someone believe in a false memory using just mundane methods."

That's rediculo-

…

Well hmm.

That's a pretty terrifying thought.

"Wait, I don't get it. Koizumi-kun, did that happen or not? Was that whole thing just a lie?"

"I believe that you two were on Rokkenjima once before, and that the murders took place. But I also believe that this "movie", and Kyon's role in it, has been painted over with the "Illusion of the Witch". Not to mention, not once did Suzumiya-san witness anything remotely supernatural, am I correct?"

"I… no I didn't see anything. So I guess you're saying that to solve the mystery, we not only have to figure out the culprit, but we have to somehow see through the illusion as well?"

"Excellent deduction as always, Suzumiya-san. I don't believe this will be easy, and my theory could be totally incorrect, but I think it's a good place to start, don't you?"

Hmm. Interesting. I certainly never thought of that. You're making me look bad here, Koizumi. Whatever. Still, the thought that I can't even trust my own memories is very disconcerting. If I consider all the weird stuff I saw an illusion, what clues were there that would point to a human culprit? This definitely warrants further thought. I can even review what "happened" to me, right? Man, I wish I had a magic TV like that in real life. Replay particular moments in life, look up the answers to the test, and re-write my story whenever something embarrassing happens.

…

Yeah right. Something that crazy deserves to stay in a crazy world like this. I stood up, and walked around the room a bit, just to stretch my legs. Haruhi continued talking the situation over with Koizumi. I guess she doesn't get to listen to his long winded exposition nearly as much as I do.

"Hey, Nagato. What do you think about all this?"

"…"

Nagato paused for a very long time. I guess it wasn't an easy answer for her? Or maybe she wasn't sure how to dumb it down for me.

"I do not know."

Well, that was straightforward, if ultimately unhelpful. Even the great Nagato gets stumped sometimes, I guess.

"This space is very… alien. Itsuki Koizumi's theory is within the realm of possibility."

So what then? Do you think all my memories have been tampered with?

"Human memory is fallible – it is very difficult to objectively analyze whether any given memory is the truth or not."

So what then? If I doubt this, what else can I not trust? Should I begin to doubt my entire life? Isn't that a bit much?

"Although it is impossible to confirm with 100% accuracy, that line of thought leads nowhere but in circles."

I guess that makes sense. I mean, you can never really say for sure whether you're real, right? We could all just be a part of a computer simulation (Okay that might literally be true in this case but) or just the dream of some god or actually a brain in a jar somewhere. But, speculating on these things is ultimately pointless and better left to first year philosophy students who want to seem deep.

In any case, even if I don't doubt my home reality, if Koizumi's theory is correct, than this place is full of lying liars, and I should take things with a grain of salt.

"Thanks, Nagato."

With that, I made my way back to Haruhi and Koizumi. She seemed to be deep in thought, and he greeted me with a friendly wave.

"Well, I believe we have a direction to approach this now. Are the two of you ready to continue?"

Yeah, I suppose. No time like the present. I took the controller back in hand, and pressed the start button.

* * *

><p>"Yeah, goat demons, pretty much. I'm not sure if that's really what happened, though. I might've been hallucinating, who knows? "<p>

"Hmph."

Haruhi snorted, crossed her arms, and turned her nose into the air. It just looked so stereotypical; I exchanged a look with Battler, and the two of us burst out laughing. This in turn made Haruhi even angrier, which for all her glares just made us laugh harder. At some point this endless cycle was broken when Haruhi cracked a smile, and began laughing herself.

I'm not really even sure if it was that funny, but laughter is infectious, in addition to being the best medicine. At some point Battler just stopped laughing abruptly, a look of sudden awe on his face.

"I… That's the first time I've laughed in…"

What? Come on, you were laughing just earlier, something about an "Ihihihi". And before that, I'm pretty sure you were laughing at me when you were slouched in that chair like a villain.

"If I've learned anything in all this time, it's how to put up an act. But that… y'know, I kind of had you pegged for a douchebag at first, Kyon, but I'm starting to think you're actually a decent guy. "

Hey, screw you too buddy. And wait, was douchebag even slang in the 80s? It's still so hard to follow Battler's personality. A broken, shattered man who's lived a thousand lives. But I guess, even if it sounds corny, we just saw something honest and whole still in him. For some reason, I felt just a tiny bit better about all of this.

"Hey Kyon… is this really okay? I mean, after everything we've been through and that it might just happen again, why are we sitting here laughing?"

Haruhi's tone didn't match her words. Her laughter hadn't quite subsided, so she was struggling to force her smile into a more somber expression, and what should've been a serious reprisal was interrupted by several snickers. I almost started laughing again myself.

"Haruhi…. We've still got some time to waste, right? Isn't this okay too?"

I gave her what I hoped was a reassuring smile. She pondered it for a moment, and seemed ready to respond when Battler forced himself between us, putting his arm around each of our shoulders. Hey, butt out!

"Ihihihi. Yeah, you heard him. This is okay too. Say… I heard you guys talking about something called "The SOS Brigade" at some point or another. Tell me about it."

...

Even though we had plenty of spirit, the three of us were still at a loss as for what to do. There weren't really any clues yet, I don't think. Still not 100% on this even being a mystery. Last time we were able to kill time with all of the cousins, but now… It's really hard to act casual with someone whom you know, but it's the first time they've met you. Worse, every time I look at Jessica, I imagine the light going out in her eyes again.

Luckily, Battler's lie about us all being old friends give us a convenient excuse to all do our own thing. He decided to give us a guided, more thorough tour of the mansion. Might come in handy if I have to run screaming through it again.

"Yeah, this is the old man's study. Pretty impressive in there. I could get the key if you really want, but it'd probably be a waste of time. "

Kinzo Ushiromiya… I had met the man (Or maybe not), but I had also heard a confession about his lack of mortality.

"Hmm, yeah. I'm pretty sure he's been dead for awhile now. I mean, I've never really seen the body myself, but I've heard Aunt Natsuhi confess to his death before."

Last time I was here, this room was filled with dead bodies, goat demons, and a bandaged up babe who really wanted to get inside of me. Of course, the door was closed and locked now. For all I know, it could still look like that inside, can't know until I check. Highly unlikely, though.

"Hmm, dead all along huh? I thought it was fishy we never got to meet the master of the house. I guess that means including us, there are 19 people on the island. So Kyon, that means there are 16 possible suspects, right? That's definitely a lot more than most murder mysteries."

Or, you know. Some unknown person who we just haven't seen yet.

"I guess it's possible, but that doesn't really seem right, you know?"

Maybe, maybe not. Whatever, let's move on, shall we?

…

Wow, they even have a western styled chapel here.

Battler had taken us outside, around the side of the mansion, to what was definitely a chapel. Pews, and altar, everything. Almost seemed kind of out of place, but on the other hand, everything else about the mansion was decidedly western, why not this?

"Ihihihi. Wait here a second, I'm going to show you guys something awesome."

Battler ran off, coming back after a few minutes with a short ladder. He propped it up in front of the door, and I held it steady. After fiddling around with something up there for a few minutes, he came back down, hid the ladder in some bushes, and then motioned for us to follow him around the back of the church.

There was an odd looking door back there, which lead to stairs down, through a damp tunnel, and finally to a large door. I was starting to have a sneaking suspicion as to where Battler might be taking us.

…

But my foresight in no way prepared me for the actual sight of ten tons of gold.

Glorious! Amazing! Beautiful! Radiant! Divine! I'm not really a greedy person or anything, but right now if I was told I had to choose between this pile of gold and the eternal love and devotion of Asahina-san, I might actually have to give it some thought. I found myself with one of the bars in hand, just to feel its weight and heft, to show myself this was real.

Haruhi was left equally as speechless, the glitter of the gold clearly reflected in her eyes. I figure she's imagining what the SOS Brigade could do with something like this. Surely something to bring doom and destruction upon all of Japan. Battler stood back, wearing a satisfied grin.

"Yep. This is Grandfather's legendary hidden gold. I told you I've found it before. I mean, there's really no point, it's not like you can use the gold unless you get off the island. But well, it sure is an impressive sight. "  
>Yeah, no kidding. I managed to calm down a bit, and took a second look at my surroundings. The pile of gold was stacked almost to the ceiling, but the room itself was also lavishly furnished, and there was a fancy double bed in one corner, next to a clock and a table. Maybe someone liked to come down here and sleep next to all the gold?<p>

"Hey Kyon, that's not a bad idea. Hey, check this out."

Haruhi reached onto the bed and pulled something off the pillow, holding it up for everyone to see. It was a single, long strand of blonde hair.

Huh. Does that mean it belongs to Jessica?

"I'm not sure. I don't think her hair is quite this long… What do you think Battler? I mean, nobody else knows about this place, right?"

Battler frowned, and inspected the hair.

"Well, I mean I've never seen anyone else down here. The witch of the portrait is blonde too, could be hers."

"Ugh. We're just a bunch of highschool kids! I mean, real detectives would be able to test this for DNA, or dust for fingerprints or something, right?"

Haruhi dropped the hair in frustration and sighed. Hey, it's alright. That stuff usually takes weeks to complete, and isn't nearly as reliable as TV makes it out to be. The real great detectives don't need to rely on tools like that anyways.

"I guess you've got a point."

* * *

><p>"That sure is an impressive sight, don't you think?"<p>

Yeah, I suppose. But somehow, watching it from afar like this doesn't really seem as impressive. "I'm" not nearly excited as the "me" down there.

Haruhi thought for a few moments before voicing a concern that had been bugging me this whole time as well.

"Hey, you guys. I mean, sure, we're playing a game, but… The "Us" down there… Are they real?"

Yeah, that thought is really starting to bug me too. I mean, this wouldn't be the first time I've been split into two halves in weird parallel dimensions, but… the "me" down there. He looks like me, talks like me, thinks like me, and does what I would do in that situation. So if we win this game and get free, what happens to him? Does he go to some alternate version of home? Does he cease to exist? Does he keep time looping without me? Do we merge together and share conflicting memories?

What if it's the other way around? Will I cease to be while that "me" escapes and gets free?

"I'm afraid I really don't know. It could be anything, right? Maybe that you is a clone. Or a doppelganger, or a robot that looks like you. Or, if we follow our previous "movie" theory, well. Consider that I could write a novel starring you as the main character, which looks like you, thinks like you, and does the same things you would do. But would that character be you?"

I guess not. But if you put it like that, it seems kind of creepy. Please don't tell me you've actually done something like that, okay?

"Okay, I won't tell you."

…

"I'm just kidding, of course."

Koizumi's ever present grin was mocking me again, but I kind of walked right into that one. Still, the whole situation didn't feel right.

"Okay, I think I can follow that. So what about Battler? I mean, we can remember what happened, and so can he, but why isn't he up here with us?"

*POP*

"That's because he's just a worthless piece."

Bernkastel and Lambdadelta explosively re-entered the room. Great, I was already starting to enjoy their absence.

"Say, you've used that term "Piece" before. Would you mind clarifying that for us?"

Totally unfazed by the witch's entrance, Koizumi asked what was probably an important question.

"Haha Bern I almost forgot, these guys are total newbs! Come on, think about it! Pieces are pieces, you're the players, and the pieces are what get moved around the game board. Duh."

I guess the other me would be my piece? As well as piece-Haruhi? So what, you control everyone else? What about Battler? How come he's the only one who can remember?

"You're right – We move all the other pieces around. But Battler is a special case – I gave that piece the gift of sentience a long time ago. Battler really is even more incompetent than I thought. I was sure he'd have found a miracle and escaped by now. To think of how low he's sunken trying to escape. It was worth coming here just to see that."

Bernkastel punctuated her explanation with a short, cruel laugh. Haruhi was already grinding her teeth together, getting angrier by the second. I put my hand on her shoulder, but it was honestly more to try and calm myself down.

"Aww, poor wittle Battler. Actually, I'd rather just make fun of him in person."

With a snap of her fingers and a flash of light, Battler disappeared from the screen, and appeared in front of us, looking bewildered.

"What the hell!"

"Hello, my little piece. Just giving you a taste of the higher plane, that's all"

"_**YOU!**_"

Upon catching sight of Bernkastel, Battler's face immediately contorted into a murderous rage, and he lunged for her, screaming. Unsurprisingly, she simply vanished before his fist could connect, reappearing in the air above as both her and Lambdadelta continued to laugh.

"Aww, what's the matter. Are you mad? You know, I'm not the only one here. Perhaps you should look over there."

Battler spun to face us, his eyes alight with fire. As soon as he caught sight of Haruhi and I though, his face fell with sudden recognition, disappointment, and… betrayal?"

"I see. So that's how it is. I should've expected as much if she's involved again. You guys really are just players. Fucking with mine and everyone else's lives just for your own amusement, huh? It was too good to be true."

"Huh, Battler, wait a second…"

Yeah, just calm down a second. We're all trapped here too, okay? None of us want this.

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

Battler burst into a fit of maniacal laughter, shifting into that face of madness I had seen on him once already.

"Fine! Battler Ushiromiya Battler Is here! Play your damned game, witches. But I'm ready for you. Even a lowly pawn can advance if it makes it across the chessboard, and I've been playing far, far too much chess in my spare time. Ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

With a snap of Lambdadelta's fingers, Battler vanished again, and took his place back on the game board, frozen in time.

"How annoying. That wasn't nearly as funny as I thought it'd be, Bern. He's just kind of annoying. I mean, what right does a piece have to get so uppity?"

"You know, I was honestly hoping he would have escaped by now. He'd make a fine voyager himself, and having Battler trying to hunt me down through various realities would've been a lot of fun."

"Ooh, Bern, that's so devious! That's why I love you so much! You never told me though, but I guess it would've made an awesome surprise too."

Watching one complete monster nibble affectionately on the ear of another complete monster really isn't something you see every day. Hey, how about we cut the crap and get on with this already?

"Impatient now? You might wish you had more time to slack off once the game gets started. But we have finished preparing everything. You're the players though. Hurry up and get to the good part.

* * *

><p>"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"<p>

Huh? Battler, what's so funny? I mean, yeah, the gold is awesome and we've got a crappy strand of hair "clue", but that laugh is a little much, don't you think?

"Huh? Oh, I … Uh, never mind that, it was just a thing. Anyway, we should probably get out of here. If anyone catches us down here, there will be a huge uproar and it's all huge pain in the ass, trust me."

Yeah, I guess you have a point. It was hard to tear myself away from the gold, but really just seeing something like that is enough for me. We all left the room, but after I started to climb the stairs, I noticed Battler had stopped for some reason. He was looking up towards the ceiling, as if there were someone there, and mouthing some words I couldn't hear. Hey man, are you coming?

We made our way out of the underground tunnel, making sure to close everything up behind us. After we got out, and made sure to check that the coast was clear, Battler climbed back up the chapel and reset whatever contraption was up there. The storms clouds were starting to gather by now, so I'm glad we didn't have to do this in the rain.

"There, that should take care of that. Hey guys, there's something I need to go do for a bit. You go on ahead, I'll catch up."

Without even waiting for a response, Battler ran off, leaving us alone in the garden. With a shrug, Haruhi and I headed towards the guesthouse.

We ended up spending our time with the rest of the cousins. Despite my initial fears of time-loop related faux pas, after a bit of initial awkwardness we soon found ourselves playing games and trying to enjoy ourselves. It was just like my first night here, but instead of a vague suspicion there might be murders based on conjecture, it was now a dread certainty. Someone like Koizumi would be much better suited for this I think. He's much better at the whole poker face thing.

We didn't see Battler again until dinner time. I wanted to ask him what he was doing, but he was sitting too far across the table for a private discussion. The family head was absent again, for reasons that are probably obvious. Surprisingly, this time there was no letter from Beatrice. I never got what was the point of that the first time around. She'll give everything up if someone solves the riddle? But Battler's already done that, and nothing changed, right? We even saw the gold. It must just be a red herring. I think even Beatrice might be one – She got mentioned a lot, but I only saw demons working for her, never any evidence of the witch herself.

…

Man that sounds stupid even in my head.

Since there was no letter, dinner ended peacefully, with everyone going their own way. Including Battler; he ran off again before we could catch up and we didn't see him again. Should I be worried?

After a few more hours of game time with the cousins, we began to make our way back to the mansion, Haruhi stopped me in the hall.

"Kyon… I don't like this. Do we really have to do this? Just wait for everyone to be killed again?"

I don't know, okay? What other choice do we have?

"Maybe try to stop the killer in the act? We talked about it last time, and I'd be willing to risk it. Or maybe… What would happen if we just got everyone into the same room and made them stay there the whole time?"

Do you really think that would work? I mean, we're still outsiders here. Nobody would listen to us. And even if they did, I doubt they would be able to stay all cramped in a room for what, 36 hours?

"But… I guess you're right. But… Can we at least try to save Jessica and George and Maria? I don't want to see… Oh, and Battler, of course, but he said he doesn't die first anyway, didn't he?"

Well, if it's just them we might be able to pull it off, but what did you have in mind?

"How about we bring them all to our room, and call it some kind of group sleepover party? And keep all those doors locked at night like we did last time."

It certainly wasn't a bad idea. I mean, we didn't die the first night, even though somebody bothered to mark Haruhi's door with a weird magic circle. Now how to frame it to everyone so it doesn't look like we're trying to protect them from murder…

…

"Hmm. Actually that does sound like a fun idea. If you don't mind, I'd like to invite Shannon as well, if she can take the time off."

Oh right, Shannon. I had barely even seen the maid or her little brother this time around. But sure thing George, the more the merrier, right?

"Uuuuu! Halloween sleepover party! Maria will go ask Mama!"

"Ah, do you think we should ask Battler-kun too? I'm kind of jealous - I haven't seen him in 6 years, but you guys are good friends."

Eh, not quite, Jessica. I've really only known him for two days now. I suppose every time for you is the first time you've seen Battler in 6 years, too.

It took a bit more discussion than that, and George had to try a bit to convince Rosa that it would be okay, but we eventually all made our way up to our shared room. Try as we might, Battler was nowhere to be found. Lots of people said they had caught glimpses of him, or bumped into him in places, but we couldn't pinpoint his location. I hope he's okay and everything, but tearing apart the mansion looking for him would be going a bit too far at this point.

Shannon did end up joining us, and with my brilliant deduction skills, I noticed the ring on her finger, the way her and George kept looking at each other, and figured out that they must be a couple. Bringing up would probably be rude though.

* * *

><p>"Ahahaha! Do you idiots really think this is going to change anything? Try as hard as you can to save a few people, huh? But I guess its okay if everyone else gets murdered, you barely even know them! Bern you were so right! The game can be different with different players!"<p>

Lambdadelta was in yet another fit of giggling. Hey, this is hard enough to keep this whole meta/piece thing straight without your obnoxious laughter interrupting constantly.

"Hey! My laughter isn't obnoxious! It's cute and pretty like the adorable little girl I am!"

"Is this it then? This is your opening move? It's the only one you get to make before everything gets started for real. Is this really all?"

Yeah, so what if it is. And by the way, what did you do with Battler?

"Nothing at all. He's not our piece, like I said, I gave him sentience. That means he can do what he wants."

I probably shouldn't trust anything Bernkastel says, but I guess there's nothing we can really do about it from here. I turned to Haruhi. She mirrored my own look of bitterness – one stemming just from extreme dislike of our captors.

"Kyon… I'm ready. Let's do this. We can beat them."

Yeah. It's going to be rough from here on out, but we're the SOS Brigade. We can handle it all together.

Koizumi. Nagato. Even Asahina-san. Last time through it was just me and Haruhi, but now we've got 3 of the best allies a guy could ask for. Well, 2 allies and 1 mascot. No offense Asahina-san, but you can just stay back and let the rest of us handle this one. Unless Asahina-san (Big) decides to show up, anyways.

Even if I suck at the whole mystery solving thing, Koizumi is great at mysteries. He's set up several murder mysteries in the past for us, even if they were fake. And I've got reason to believe he reads mystery novels in his spare time. And with Nagato… well, it's Nagato for one. There's very little she can't do. And this whole meta-thing we're doing here is definitely related to her powers in some way, and I'm sure she can find a way to make it work for us.

And of course, I still have Haruhi at my side. Koizumi said her powers weren't working correctly here before, but I'm not sure if that still holds true. It's just another obstacle in front of her, and Haruhi never lets anything get in her way. Haruhi gets what Haruhi wants. Even if we didn't bend over backwards trying to get it for her, things would find a way for it to happen anyways.

And right now, Haruhi wants to win.


	2. Chapter 1: Castling

As I watched the piece versions of us go to sleep, the screen went dark, and even played that little "Inn jingle" you see in RPGs.

Some of this was getting a little hard to take seriously.

"Well, it's not like we're going to sit here and watch you all sleep."

You know, I'm kind of glad piece me doesn't know about you two, he probably wouldn't be able to sleep at all.

U-um. Here you go, Bernkastel-san, Lambdadelta-san."

Timidly, Asahina-san offered both witches cups of tea. My heart tensed for a second and I was ready to leap to her defense, but they accepted her gracious effort with refinement and dignity. It occurred to me that at some point, Asahina-san has switched to her maid costume. When did that happen? Huh.

"Hmm, not bad. Although the libraries of witches are far greater, even tea made by mortals can be a worthwhile experience every once in awhile."

I think you're confusing that with "Tea made by a goddess", but I'll forgive your blasphemy just this once.

"Let's get down to business, shall we? Before we raise the curtain on the start of the game, it might help to clarify the rules a bit. Lambdadelta, would you do the honors!"

"Gladly!"

**"[Red] This is the Red Truth! It can only be used to tell the truth! [Red]"**

Huh. She… actually spoke in red. That's a little hard for my brain to process, but I somehow get the effect either way.

"Excuse me, but what guarantees we have that what the red truth says is really the truth?"

Koizumi interrupted, looking skeptical. Good point, what reason do we have to trust anything these two say, no matter what color it's in?

"**[Red] The Red Truth tells the truth! [Red]** Sorry, but those are the rules of the game. You have to accept that if you want to play the game, and I think we already established that that we're not giving you a choice in the matter."

Great. So you're saying this is rigged from the start. What does speaking true words have to do with anything anyways?

"I'm getting to that! You're not entirely powerless. We're so generous; we'll let you use the blue truth right away! The blue truth can be used to make up your own theories and interpretations, which can then be cut to pieces by the red! Bern, show them how it's done!"

_**"[Blue] The culprit was Colonel Mustard, in the Library, using the Candlestick. [Blue]"**_

"Wrong! **[Red] The candlestick never left Professor Plum's study! [Red]"**

Huh. That was certainly… colorful. Apparently this truth also involved something of a light show, as a lance of blue energy shot from Bernkastel's fingers, only to be blocked by a shield of red. So by using this "Blue truth" we're supposed to solve the mystery, without it being denied by the red truth.

Not what I was expecting. Koizumi definitely looked intrigued – Hey, you're the mystery buff here, right? Do they do something like this in normal mystery novels?

"I can't say I've ever seen it before. But it's possible it exists in a book I haven't read yet. Maybe you could compare it to a statement from the author, like "This is the truth.""

"Blah blah blah. Don't think too hard about it, you'll just get a headache, okay? Just take everything at face value and we can skip to the part where you beg and cry for mercy!"

Maybe it would be better if I just started assuming the opposite of whatever they said was true. Of course, if I do that, and they realize that, it'd be pretty easy to manipulate me using reverse psychology.

…

Haruhi had an odd look on her face, like she was trying to puzzle it all out. Hey, I get it, I'm confused too. We have plenty of time to figure this all out. She turned to me, opened her mouth, and said—

**"[Red] Kyon and I have never killed anyone. [Red]"**

What the hell? You can use the red truth too? If we can do it, than what's the point? Wait, even Bernkastel and Lambdadelta look surprised right now, what's going on?

"That's it… I used the red truth back then, didn't I? But how is that even possible? Back when you were getting beaten up by Eva, I just sort of shouted that out, and she stopped, and everyone stopped, and nobody would acknowledge what happened. You just blew me off."

Did… that actually happen? I tried to think back, remember what had happened. Just thinking about it was like jabbing hot needles into my brain, damnit!

"The red truth isn't supposed to be understood by humans on the game board. It's an incomprehensible message from a higher power. But I don't see why you were able to use it either, little girl. Perhaps something broke; I did neglect this board for a very long time after all."

"That doesn't seem right Bern. I mean, look!"

Lambdadelta waved her hands around, and the image on the screen switched to the scene of me getting my ass kicked. Weird how I get beaten up by a middle aged mom but then somehow win against a thousand year old demon. Not that I really would've fought back against Eva.

When it reached the part where I was about to receive the finishing blow, Haruhi really did shout out, and I could see the red this time. It happened like she said – Everyone sort of froze, including me, then Haruhi ran around, trying to get everyone's attention, and eventually led me to the couch. Bizarre. Even seeing this right in front of me, trying to actually remember it happening just resulted in a splitting headache, blurry vision, and nausea. I decided to turn away from the screen for my own sake, and contemplate Asahina-san's dress in detail. Luckily, she was too absorbed in what was going on to notice.

Silence followed, and I eventually managed to steady my nerves and stomach. I turned back around to find everyone staring at each other coldly. The two witches had on uncharacteristically serious expressions. Was there something about this that bothered them?

"…"

A minute passed, maybe two. There wasn't a clock in this room, and it was pretty much impossible to tell the passage of time. I idly reached my hand into my pocket for my cell phone, but then remembered I had lost it during that midnight-storm excursion. It already feels like that had taken place an eternity ago. Just what was up with that, anyways? It doesn't quite fit into everything else that's happened.

The silence continued on. This tension is getting to be unbearable, somebody say or do something! As if on cue, Lambdadelta's face twisted into a sickening grin.

"BOO!"

Her voice boomed out impossibly loud, causing everyone cover their ears in shock and pain as the entire building rattled around us. Unsurprisingly, Asahina-san yelped, fell to the ground, and the tea set shattered as she dropped it.

"Bwahahaha! Sometimes the simplest pranks really are the best! Hey Bern, maybe we should've modified the board to include some old school slapstick."

I got up to go help her out, but Nagato was already there, unaffected by the sonic assault and helping a slightly bewildered Asahina-san to her feet. She turned and gave me a look which seemed to say "I've got this, get back to the fight."

Right.

"Yeah, you two sure are hilarious. Why don't you pursue a career in standup comedy instead of this bullshit? You could probably pull off a pretty good Straight man / Wise guy routine."

"I wish! There's a great Open Mic night every Thursday over in Pandemonium, but I can never get Bern to go! She's so antisocial sometimes; I have to yank out all her teeth with pliers just to get her out in public for a little bit! Why just the other day – Ow!"

Without changing her expression or even turning to face her, Bernkastel smacked Lambdadelta over the head with a paper fan. (Which, incidentally, appeared out of nowhere and immediately disappeared.)

That… wasn't quite the reaction I was expecting to my smart ass comment. Good grief. I let my head rest in my palm for quite a bit. Seriously, what's with the cutesy little girl thing? I think we would've been better off with a more traditional antagonist, something with a giant sword and plate mail covered in spikes and skulls.

"Fine fine! I get it. Look, we've explained the rules to you, and there's no complaints right? GOOD! No complaining! Time to once again throw open the curtain on the terrible tragedy of Rokkenjima! I sure hope you like comedy, because what Bernkastel and I have cooked up for you is absolutely hilarious!"

Lambdadelta skipped over to the screen, and after dramatically gesturing during her speech, mimed the action of tearing a sheet from the display.

* * *

><p>I think I slept better than I had in months. It almost felt unnatural, considering everything that was going on right now. Even though I was lying awake for quite some time last night, worried about the following morning. There's probably already been 6 murders, by now, after all. It would be so much better if I could just stay in bed and let everything blow over.<p>

I could hear Haruhi's soft snores from nearby on my bed – There wasn't enough couch / chair combos for everyone, so Haruhi had just opted to share the bed with me. The bed was massive, and she slept sideways down near my feet. I had told her it made her look like a dog, and she had told me to shut up. Heh.

Just like the last time, we had locked, bolted; chain locked, and barricaded the doors. It was simple getting everyone else to agree with it really. We just told a bunch of scary stories to get them in the mood. Haruhi and I even got to cheat, sharing more modern horror stories that hadn't been invented yet.

…

Just five more minutes? Please?

I let out a loud, long lawn, and began to stretch. Haruhi began to stir at my feet, but as I shifted around, I felt the weight of something move next to me. Shuffling in my blankets for a bit, I managed to get a hold of whatever it was. It was somewhat long, somewhat heavy, and floppy. What is this some kind of joke? As I pulled it up above my head to get a better look at whatever it was, a droplet of something fell off and hit me directly in the eye. Ow, damnit!

As I rubbed my eye with my left hand, the object in my right slipped in my grasp slightly, sliding down to reveal a slightly more recognizable shape. One that did definitely not belong on anything I could hold up so easily.

My eyes snapped open, and I screamed.

"Huh! Kyon, what is it, what's going –"

Acting on some kind of primitive terror reflex, I bolted upright, and flung the object in my hand across the room, which was unmistakably Jessica's severed arm. It bounced off the wall and hit the floor with a wet *thud*.

Haruhi had woken up just enough to see that, and her face twisted a wordless scream of her own. Right now though, I barely even noticed. My brain was on fire, every muscle in my body was shaking uncontrollably. I forced myself to slowly, turn to the right.

The scene was one of absolute carnage. There was blood everywhere. On the floors, on the walls, soaked into the curtains, splashed across the dressers. Even written across the wall in English, was a message "_**I love you**_".

If it was just blood, it might've reminded me of the time I put a whole can of cherries into the blender when I was a kid and didn't properly lock the top. Yet there was more. Various body parts were strewn across the room in a macabre fashion, like you might see at some cheap carnival horror house trying to be scary. George's torso sitting on top of a dresser. An arm with its hand clasped around the phone. A pair of shapely legs with the tattoo of a one winged eagle on them poking out from under the bed, drenched in blood.

I promptly leaned over the bed to a clear spot of carpet and threw up.

* * *

><p>"<em><strong>WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT!"<strong>_

I'm not really that big on swearing, or prone to violence, or extreme displays of emotion. But right now, I was straining every muscle in my body in a blinding rage, trying to get away from Koizumi as he held me back.

"Ahahahahah! That's it! It's just too perfect! That look on your face is one I'm going to cherish forever! Man, it was so hard keeping a straight face when you were waving that arm around without realizing what it was."

Lambdadelta and Bernkastel were both giggling like mad, which erupted into even louder cackles when Lamba summoned an image of Jessica's arm to her hand, mimicked the scream Piece-Me had let out, and threw it across the room. She was rolling around on the floor now; well, it would be more appropriate to say she was rolling around the room laughing, teleporting randomly as she gasped for air.

I was clenching my teeth so hard I could taste blood. Damnit, get a hold of yourself! They're just trying to provoke you, you're better than this! Take a deep breath, come on. That's good.

I slowly managed to reign in my emotional outburst. It's okay Koizumi, you can let go now. I should feel lucky that I only have to see that from up here. It's easy to be detached from something if you just treat it like a movie or a game, right?

Surprisingly, Haruhi didn't react nearly as strongly as I did. She seemed a bit angry, naturally, but instead merely glared at the two witches with a grim determination. Also unsurprisingly, Asahina-san had fainted from the whole scene. Once again, Nagato was looking after her.

Both witches continued laughing, but suddenly, Haruhi cracked a smile.

"Is that it? I'm kind of disappointed. I've seen way worse in plenty of 3rd rate horror movies on late night cable. Nice touch putting it all in our room, but it's going to take a lot more than that to impress me."

Woah, what the hell? Haruhi, where was this coming from?

"…"

Both witches stopped laughing immediately at Haruhi's casual dismissal. Bernkastel gave her a flat, yet slightly angry stare, while Lambdadelta's expression shifted into more of a pained grimace. With a loud *POP* the pink witch warped across the room to get right in Haruhi's face.

"Well well, I didn't realize we were playing to such a tough crowd. You might regret those words, it's not like these murders are over with. Before you get all high and mighty, maybe you should try explaining _**that**_, hmm?"

I followed her finger to see what she was pointing on the screen. The scene shifted slightly to show that both doors were still tightly barricaded and sealed.

…

What the hell? How is that even possible? It's enough of a stretch for the killer to manage to kill everyone else while we were sleeping, but that room should've been impenetrable to anything but a battering ram, right?

"It really seems like we're dealing with a closed room again. This one looks a bit more complicated than the one I set up last summer, don't you think?"

"Well, the witch Beatrice used magic to teleport in, and then summoned demons to dismember and devour everyone. Whenever Piece you gets around to it, he'll find that not every body part is accounted for, after all! Oh, and she cast a sleep spell on you both to ensure you wouldn't wake up from all the noise."

And that's the explanation Bernkastel wants us to believe, huh? Or I suppose I should say we're supposed to use the "Blue Truth" to prove it wrong. Also seriously. Beatrice? She keeps getting mentioned over and over again. Just who the hell is this woman?

"Oh? That's right, I forgot. Here, you want to meet her?"

With a wave of Bernkastel's hand, there was a swirl of golden butterflies in the center of the room, which coalesced into the form of Beatrice. It was definitely the same as the portrait, same golden hair, and same elegant dress. Her face quickly contorted into something nasty as she gave out an ear splitting cackle. Wow, now that's what I call an evil laugh. Then she stopped, turned to us, and gave a poised smile. Then stopped again, raised a pipe to her lips, and posed.

Something about that wasn't right. Her movements seemed practiced, and forced. It reminded me of a model viewer for a video game, just going through the various animations.

With another sparkle of gold, she vanished into nothingness.

"That's Beatrice. Or at least the image of her we're using for this game. A long time ago, Beatrice was the game master here, as well as a player. But she's dead now."

She was the game master, but she's dead? I guess whatever sort of meta-existence I have right now; it's a little more fragile than I thought.

"Well come on then! Let's get on with this! I mean, we could always save the whole red blue thing till the end, but you guys are new, right? Better to test the waters now, right? Tell us how this crime could've been preformed if not by magic!"

Right. Blue truth. I took another look at the grisly scene below, and took a deep breath. I felt Haruhi put her hand on my shoulder, and she smiled at me. Alright, here goes!

**_[Blue]"The culprit entered and left through the windows! [Blue]_**

Huh. Blue text tastes kind of weird. Like pie.

"Bzzt! **[Red] All the windows in this room are locked! They cannot be locked from the outside! [Red]"**

Damn, just like that? This was going to be harder than I thought.

**_"[Blue] There's a hidden door somewhere in this room! The culprit used that! [Blue]"_**

"Oh come on, what kind of mystery do you think this is? **[Red] There are no hidden doors in this room! [Red]"**

Haruhi stepped up to bat, but was just as quickly as I did was stuck out.

"Hey hold on, exactly what defines a hidden door? I mean, this mansion is huge, right? Is there really no hidden doors like that anywhere?"

"**[Red] A hidden door is any entrance or exit that Piece Kyon or Piece Haruhi cannot find! [Red]!"**

So what you're saying, is that if there is a secret door somewhere, than one of us is going to stumble on it? Plus one for Narrative causality, I guess."

"It makes sense, don't you think? Wouldn't you feel cheated if you were to read a mystery story and the solution turned out to just be a secret door that wasn't revealed until the end?"

Well, you're the mystery expert here, not me. I'd also feel cheated if the answer was "A witch did it." Maybe you have some brilliant deductions you'd like to share in blue?

"Hmm, let's see. How about,** _[Blue] The culprit committed murder, than committed suicide. [Blue]_**

"Whaaat? Come on, don't be ridiculous. They killed themselves by chopping off their own limbs? Next you're going to tell me they were fed small bombs or something! Ahahaha!** [Red] All deaths are homicides! [/Red]** Come on, is that all you guys have? We don't have to do this now you know, you're new, and I'm the nicest person ever! You have until the end of the game to solve everything, or else its slave town for everyone!"

So this was it, huh? We were expected to solve this insane closed room before time runs out, or we have to spend eternity being drug around different realities by these witches until they get bored. Damnit, there has to be a solution, right? Except these two are exactly the type of people to make a game unwinnable just because they can. I looked to both Koizumi and Haruhi to see if they had any more ideas, but they both shook their heads.

"Hey, Nagato, what about you? Can you see something we can't?"

She looked up, and walked over from where she was tending to the still unconscious Asahina-san.

"I cannot see anything."

Huh? What do you mean?

"I cannot see the game board."

"Sorry! But your little data puppet is too powerful, practically a deus ex machina, you know? So we can't really let her watch. No cheating on your part either!"

What the hell? You're going to exclude Nagato just because of her abilities, while you two fling magic around like its candy?

"If you have a complaint, you're welcome to mail it to the celestial bureaucracy. I'm sure I'll hear about it in a couple millennia. Oh, and could you wake the whiney one up? I'd like some more tea."

Bernkastel was back to being idle and cold, having abstained from the exchange of red and blue so far. Yeah, Asahina-san's hard work is definitely wasted on you.

"Oh, I guess I should give you guys' one more free piece of red, huh? Otherwise we might get all self angst-y and stuff. It was said earlier, but tenses apply as well, you know? **[Red] Kyon has not killed anyone! Haruhi has not killed anyone! [Red]"**

Well, that seemed obvious, but even then. I mean, Piece-me isn't technically me, right? Who knows what he's capable of? Still, an answer like that would've been pretty lame.

Speaking of which, the red tells the truth, right? What's stopping you from just saying "The murders were committed by magic?"

"Oh come on. That's cheating; this is a GAME after all. Besides, if I did that, would you accept that?"

I guess not. I mean, this red truth thing is still pretty shaky. So if she says it's magic, and we just refuse to believe it, the game wouldn't progress anywhere. Of course, an admission like that could also be taking to mean that this game CAN be solved, and that it's only magic if we suck too much to reach the answer. Or they're just messing with us. Hmm.

Koizumi pondered our problem for a bit longer before finally speaking up again.

"I think we should withdraw for now. Let's continue the game and see if any new evidence pops up. "

Yeah, that's probably for the best. Right now we're just throwing out random guesses. Nobody solves the mystery at the first murder anyways, right?

"Hurray! Round 1 goes to Lambdadelta! I'd gloat a bit more, but it's like beating an elementary school kid at poker or something. "

* * *

><p>I wiped my mouth my sleeve, coughing, the taste of acid burning my throat. I could hear the sound of Haruhi's retching behind me. Was her reaction to everything I was seeing, or maybe a chain thing because I did it first? Damnit. I can't think straight. My mind is wheeling. I could use some water.<p>

I found myself walking towards the bathroom in a daze, no longer looking at anything around me. I stumbled, tripped over something on the ground, but I didn't dare look to see what it was. Just keep walking. The door is right in front of you.

I fumbled a bit with the door handle, before getting it open to the bathroom. There were streaks of blood here too, on the floor, on the shower curtains. Floating with her eyes closed in a bowl of red toilet water, Maria's head had a peaceful expression, like that of a pleasant dream.

Without a word I closed the door, and turned back around. Haruhi was wiping her mouth, and looking at me with a strangely blank look in her eyes. I shook my head. She made some sort of half-motion in the direction of the door. I took her hint, and together we stumbled our way over there, pushing the dresser aside, fumbling with the locks, bolts, and chains, then finally throwing the door open with a small tearing sound, bursting into the hallway, and slamming the door behind us. There wasn't a magic circle waiting for us this time at least.

"Hey."

I'm sorry. That was too much. With the door closed I suddenly felt like what I had just left behind was already miles away. That inch and a half of wood representing both a physical and mental barrier between this world and the nightmare that lay beyond.

"Hey!"

With a rush, the world snapped back into focus. Battler was in front of me, trying to get my attention.

"Hey, come on, are you two alright? You like awful. Here, drink this."

Battler handed me a glass of water which I greedily drunk from, choking a bit, then taking another sip of water which I gargled, then spat onto the floor. Not my carpet, but suddenly I don't care as much anymore. I passed the glass to Haruhi, who followed pretty much the same ritual.

"I heard you guys scream, and rushed over here. Look, its okay. Just take some deep breaths and think about something else for awhile. I'm just going to check inside real quick."

Battler slipped inside the door we had just left, as I pointedly tried to pay attention to something else. Damnit. Wasn't I trying to cheer him up just the other day? Whatever. Deep breaths sound like a good idea, let's do that.

For the next five minutes or so, the two of us just stood in the hallway, occasionally passing the glass of water back and forth until it was empty. Finally, Battler slipped back out the door, looking grim.

"I'm sorry you had to see that. It's almost never this bad. Pretty _tasteless and unoriginal_, too."

Huh? That last bit almost sounded like he was talking to somebody else.

"I… I think I'm okay now. This isn't over yet, right? There's supposed to be 6 murders for the first twilight isn't there?"

That's a good point, Haruhi. I didn't exactly count or anything, but I'm pretty sure the only dead people in that room were those that had been there from the beginning.

"Yeah, there's probably going to be two more. The bodies haven't been found yet though, if that's what you're asking."

So what now then? We should probably tell the others, right?

"Well, technically we don't have to, but they'll find out sooner or later. Hey, don't worry. I mean it was kind of funny before, but I'll stop Aunt Eva if she tries to kick the crap out of you again, okay?"

Battler grinned, and slapped me on the back, subtly pushing forward. For some reason, I didn't share in his mirth.

* * *

><p>"Heya! We're going to stop here for a bit, and take a break. Are you okay with that? Of course you are! Bern and I just need to take care of something real quick, we won't be long!"<p>

With a quick wave of goodbye and a flash of light, Lambdadelta and Bernkastel vanished once again, with me barely having time to register that the game even stopped.

Just what is it that these witches would actually have to go do? Evil grocery shopping? Updating a post on their witch-blog?

Whatever. I let out a long sigh of relief, stretched, then relaxed. Being in the same room as those two was like being stuck on the subway next to an insane homeless guy. Their very presence is uncomfortable, and you have absolutely no idea he's capable of doing at any given moment.

"Hey, Haruhi. Are you okay? I mean, watching that was pretty rough."

I don't envy Piece-Me right now. I mean, if it were just a regular horror movie or something, I could blow it off easily. But seeing myself put through all of that had a much greater effect on me. Talk about identifying with the protagonist.

Surprisingly, Haruhi turned to me and raised an eyebrow, looking skeptical and slightly annoyed.

"Don't you get it Kyon? I don't care what or who those witches claim to be, or even how powerful they are! When it comes down to it, they're nothing more than schoolyard bullies! All the two are trying to do is get a rise out of us, because they think it's funny! So we can't just give them what they want. "

Hmm. When you put it like that, I suppose I can see that. But with bullies, if you try to ignore them or snark back, they'll just push harder, won't they? I'm not sure if it's in our best interests to really explore the limits of what these two are capable of.

"What, so we should just give in, roll over to their demands? Cry and beg for mercy like they want? Absolutely not! Look, I mean, you're right. Watching that was rough. But now I'm surer than ever that we absolutely cannot lose!"

If you say so.

"Hey Haruhi, I think Asahina-san is still unconscious, why don't you go check on her? She's not as involved in this as we are, but it's pretty nasty for her too. I'm going to go make some snacks or something."

Haruhi smiled and ran off to the daintily sleeping form of Asahina-san, as I made my way towards the kitchen. It's not that I wouldn't rather be nursing her back to health; it's just that I wanted a chance to talk to Koizumi.

…

Man, I need to get my priorities straightened out.

The kitchen looked like something you could find in pretty much any home, except for the window looking out into that purple maelstrom. This must be my dream home. Lovely house, big TV, and a location overlooking the infinite layers of the abyss. Even Taniguchi would be jealous.

I found the ingredients for what I was planning to make pretty quickly. Yep, back to the PB&J. I never got to eat any of the ones I made last time. After way too long of a wait, Koizumi finally decided to come over and offer to help.

"So. Koizumi. This whole thing, what's your take on it?"

"Well, that's certainly a broad question. Do you think you can narrow it down a bit? After all, I'm not familiar with any of this either."

Fine. Let's start with Haruhi. Do you think she's okay?

"I think Suzumiya-san is a lot tougher than you're giving her credit for. Although I believe she has firmly come to rationalize all of these events as a particularly bad nightmare. Which is great in my opinion – Assuming we make it out of here, we can just use the "It was a dream" excuse and everything will go back to normal."

Perfect, that'll wrap things up nicely. I turned to look over my shoulder towards the others. Asahina-san was just waking up, looking dazed and confused, with Haruhi egging her on to get up faster.

"So, about this whole blue truth / red truth thing? I have to say, I'm totally lost."

"Well, I think I'm starting to get the hang of it. It's definitely an interesting concept for a mystery story. What exactly is it you don't understand?"

For starters, how about that bit where Haruhi used the red truth? What's the point of different colors if we can both use them freely?

"Well, for one, I think Haruhi's use of the red truth last game was entirely unintentional. It was likely a result of her powers interacting with the game board; remember how I said they had nothing to latch on to?"

Well, it's Haruhi I suppose. Always expect the unexpected with her.

"As for now, the difference between us using the red and blue truth isn't that great. Here, watch."

**"[Red] My name is Itsuki Koizumi. [Red]"**

You're not secretly a witch, are you?

"No, not at all. Although I am still an Esper, it doesn't have anything to do with this. I believe I can use the red truth to say something like that because it's something that is true, and something that I know is true. However, I don't know any of the truth of the game board – Only Bernkastel and Lambdadelta know that, so when it comes to the mystery, the red truth is their weapon alone."

If we can't use it to our advantage, it doesn't really do us much good, does it? Any other enlightening truths you'd like to share?

"Hmm, let's see.** [Red] The shirt I'm wearing is blue. [Red]**

**[Red] This is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. [Red]**

**[Red] Even if they won't admit it, both Kyon and Haruhi are actually deeply in l-[Red]** Gyuk!"

Koizumi's final red truth was cut off with a choking sound, and he clutched at his throat, gasping for air.

It probably had something to do with the fact that I had just punched him in the throat.

It's not like I meant to do it. I was trying to clasp my hand over his mouth, but swung too hard, and missed. So, I'm sorry.

Still, there are some things that should really never be said, especially with magical truth words.

"*Cough* That… was a cheap shot, Kyon."

Yeah yeah, I know. I'm sorry, alright? Look, I'll make it up to you sometime. When we get out of this, I'll let you have a free shot at me, how's that sound?

Koizumi went to the sink, poured himself a glass of water and drank the whole thing, before clearing his throat a few more times and turning back to me.

"I might just take you up on that offer. However, you may end up regretting that promise; I can throw a mean right hook."

And just like that, the mask was back on.

"So, I trust we don't need any more demonstrations of our relationship to the red truth?"

Yeah, I think that's pretty much covered. What about the game itself?

"Well, I've been a bit skeptical since the beginning, but just because the red truth is the truth, it doesn't mean it's the truth. You know?"

Nope.

"Hmm. Let's try this."

Koizumi rummaged through the drawers until he found what he was looking for; notepad and a pencil. He turned away from me and began drawing. Great, I was hoping I could get through this without a diagram. I tried to focus on making the sandwiches, but I heard that wonderfully cute whimpering sounds of Asahina-san. I turned around and didn't see her, but noticed some of her clothes lying discarded nearby, and the sounds were coming from behind a stack of bookshelves.

After a few more minutes, Koizumi finished his drawing, and presented it to me.

"What does this look like to you?"

That's a pipe, isn't it? The kind used for smoking, that is. Not a bad drawing by the way, for a few minutes of effort.

"That's a good observation, but I'm afraid you're wrong."

Huh?

**"[Red] This is not a pipe! [Red]"**  
>…<p>

What? What the hell is that supposed to mean? What exactly is it supposed to be, and how should I take this red truth seriously if you can use it like that?

"Oh come on. I thought it was quite obvious. This is just a piece of paper, with some graphite on it."

Yeah, you've lost me. Is there a point to this? I didn't really take you for the snobby artist type.

"The point I'm trying to make, is that even if what the red truth says is true, it can be used to mislead or deceive us, and we should pay very close attention to how everything is worded.

Ah, you could've just said that first. I've been suspecting from the beginning that this whole red truth thing was a load of bull.

"Most likely. We haven't been given a lot of red to examine yet, but let's try this one.

**[Red] There are no hidden doors in this room! [Red]**

Is there any sort of misdirection you can see there?"

Misdirection? Well, it's a small one, but it'd be easy to infer that it means "There's no hidden doors", but really it only refers to hidden doors in that bedroom.

"Perfect, that's it exactly. Let's try another one."

Koizumi handed me the sandwich he had been working on. This is starting to sound like you're tutoring me or something. Just when did you become such an expert on supernatural methods of detection?

"I think it's less that I'm explaining things to you, and more like I'm putting my theories to the test. Now, use the red to tell me what it is you're holding."

This is probably some kind of trick, right? Whatever; might as well give it a shot.

"**[Red] This is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. [Red]"**

That was easier than I thought. Also it kind of leaves an aftertaste of bananas.

"Perfect, just what I was expecting. Now, go ahead and open that sandwich and check what's inside.

What, should I expect mouse trap, or a needle? Does it like, cause you physical pain if you're not as roundabout as possible when explaining something?

Inside the sandwich, along with the peanut butter and jelly, was a single piece of lettuce.

"Do you see? The addition of that piece of lettuce does not stop the sandwich from being a PB&J, but simply calling it PB&J doesn't tell us everything we need to know about the sandwich."

Good grief.

I took the piece of lettuce off the sandwich and dumped it into the trash. Can we stop will all the food metaphor's now? You're starting to make me lose my appetite.

"Yoohoo! Oh boys!"

Haruhi shouted enthusiastically at us from behind. I turned around to see—"

"Introducing: Battle Princess Mikuru!"

Wowza. She was dressed in some sort of fantasy leather armor – Sleeveless, form fitting, and with one of those pleated leather skirts, like a roman legionnaire or something. The ensemble even included a fake sword and shield, which she carried with absolutely no confidence whatsoever.

The outfit would've provided pretty much no protection whatsoever in an actual fight, but I'll be damned it didn't look great.

"Wow. If I must say, that looks absolutely stunning on you, Asahina-san."

Yeah, stunning. That's one way to put it. Where the hell did you get an outfit like that anyways?

"I know, isn't it great? I just found this in one of the dressers over there; I figured it'd be totally perfect for Mikuru-chan."

It is, but; what's the point of playing dress up at a time like this?

"Come on, we're fighting the bad guys here! Mikuru-chan has to do her part too! She might not be much help in solving this mystery, but she can at least take on the roll of warrior who inspires her teammates to victory with her courage and valor!"

That's…

Just what the hell are you trying to do here, Haruhi?

"Huh? Kyon…"

Did you forget where we are? Did you forget what we're up against? How the hell is cosplay at a time like this going to accomplish anything! Asahina-san shouldn't even be here in the first place. This is beyond stupid.

Haruhi was momentarily taken aback by my outburst, but was looking pretty angry by the time I was done. Growling, she grabbed me by the shoulders roughly and started pushing me out of the kitchen, until we were out of earshot of the others.

"Kyon you idiot! Can't you see Mikuru-chan is absolutely terrified of all of this? And not just her, but Yuki and Koizumi-kun too. And you're not acting like yourself, and even I'm… I mean, I had to watch you… Nobody is having fun here, Kyon!"

Haruhi admonished me with a harsh whisper. I could feel my own anger still growing, and I snapped back.

"So what? You think we can just smile, and pretend everything is okay? Laugh, and play dress up like this is a normal day at the club? You think that'll make everything alright!"

"Yes!"

Haruhi's shouted, one word answer left an empty silence in the air between us, which held for several seconds.

…

What the hell am I doing?

Dejected, I slumped down on to the ground, and buried my face in my hands. Damnit. My momentarily flash of anger had drained away, leaving me simply feeling like an idiot. I'm sorry, alright? I guess I'm just… a little on edge here.

Haruhi gave out a long sigh, before looking down at me with a weak smile and extending her hand.

"You idiot. Come on, I'm not the one you should be apologizing to."

I let her help me to my feet, and we both made our way back to the others. Koizumi was looking grim, but Asahina-san looked on the verge of tears. She probably blamed herself for this, too.

"Hey, I'm really sorry. You look great, okay?"

"Wha-? Ah, Kyon-kun, it's no big deal, really…"

"Mikuru-chan! Come on, isn't there something you wanted to tell him?"

Haruhi ran up and pounced on her from behind, giggling and then pushing her forward slightly as she let out a yelp of surprise.

"Huh? Am I? Um… ah, Suzumiya-san was right earlier, I can't really help you at all… I'm sorry."

I balked slightly, wanting to offer some words of comfort or something to our poor, beautiful mascot, but she managed her own outburst before I could.

"B-but I'm really positive you guys can find a way out of this and I believe in you!"

An embarrassing thing to say, but it was clear she meant every word with all of her heart.

"You see! With a declaration like that, there's no way we could lose!"

I found myself smiling for real, this time. Even if this is all kind of forced, it's better than just sitting around getting angry and mope-y, right?

We all grabbed a sandwich and some juice from the nearby fridge and went back to sit and eat. Looks like those witches still aren't back.

Everyone was chatting happily and enjoying themselves, but my mood fell again when I happened to glance back at the screen, the scene of the game still frozen in time.

Even if we were able to take a break up here and enjoy ourselves, the me down there is still stuck in a living nightmare. Damnit, now I feel guilty. Especially since I was somewhat dreading when this moment would end, and I have to go back to playing and watching myself suffer.

I guess that means that it's not just our lives on the line here, but we have to someone save Piece-Me, Piece-Haruhi, and Piece-Battler as well. Whether they're really sentient or not, I don't care anymore. It has to be stopped.

But hey. We should have this.I think Haruhi said it earlier, but the bad guys always lose in the end.

Right?


	3. Chapter 2: Illusions of Red

"Yoohoo! We're back! Did you miss us, hmm?"

And so, our break was over as Lambdadelta and Bernkastel returned from their "errand". Weirdly, they didn't teleport in this time, deciding to barge in with a loud slam of the front door. Which I should also mention didn't exist until now.

Our break lasted somewhere around an hour, for whatever meaning time still has in this place, so it wasn't so bad. Bernkastel went immediately back to her seat, but Lambdadelta skipped into the kitchen, carrying what appeared to be a paper grocery bag with a baguette and some leeks sticking out of it. Wait, they really were just shopping?

"Welcome back. I sure hope you got everything you need. I know this game such a trivial matter to such immortal goddesses, but we mere mortals would greatly appreciate it if we could get back to deciding our fates. I mean, if it's not too much of a bother."

I welcomed our hosts back with all the grace, hospitality, and politeness I could muster. We'd had a lot of time to talk while they were gone, and along with Koizumi repeating our discussion on the Blue/Red truth for Haruhi's benefit. We all decided that the most important thing to do with these two is to stay calm and not lose our heads, no matter what they try to do. In response to my thinly veiled sarcasm, Lambdadelta dropped her bags on the counter and teleported right in my face, giving me a pouty look.

"Aww… you're no fun. It's a lot more interesting if you get pissed off and start screaming, okay? I guess we'll just have to try harder!"

Well, don't try too hard now. I wouldn't want you to pull a muscle or anything. By the way, we saved some sandwiches for you. Damn, the overly lovey-dovey way she keeps delivering all these lines is giving me a headache.

"Kyaaa! She's so adorable! Bern, we absolutely have to win this now, I want to keep her!"

Lambdadelta suddenly noticed Asahina-san in her new outfit, warped over and began jumping up and down excitedly. To her credit, she whimpered slightly, but managed to stand her ground.

"Hey, back off! Mikuru-chan is ours, and you can't have her! You can look, but no touching, got it? After all, you're never going to win, so enjoy it while you can!"

Haruhi came to Asahina-san's defense in a flash. It felt weird to be playing such a bluffing game with these two witches, but it was definitely better than getting pissed off every time they open their mouths. Lambdadelta was about to say something in response, but Bernkastel cut her off.

"Sorry Lamba. But even if we do win, you won't be able to have that one. Can't you see what she is?"

A time traveler? Something about fact makes her untouchable? Predestination, maybe. Or maybe not. I wonder what Asahina-san (Big), would have to say about all of this. In any case, Lambdadelta warped away looking pouty again while Bernkastel turned to address us.

"Well. It seems we're all ready. But let's skip a few things forward, okay?"

Bernkastel waved her hand at the screen, and the picture changed. Haruhi and I were now standing in front of the portrait of Beatrice, along with almost everyone else on the island.

* * *

><p>There were 13 people gathered in the entry hall now, and unfortunately, we were probably the only ones alive on the island. Once we had made it downstairs, we managed to talk with Genji, and then he and Battler set to the task of rounding everyone up on the island.<p>

It took some time, but everyone eventually gathered in the main hall. Myself, Haruhi, Battler, Krauss, Natsuhi, Kyrie, Rudolf, Hidieyoshi, Genji, Kanon, Dr. Nanjo, Kumasawa, and Gohda.

Notably then, we couldn't find either Rosa or Eva.

Battler took it upon himself to inform everyone else what happened, especially Natushi and Krauss. I'm sorry, but I really don't think I'm up for telling a mother that her only child has been brutally dismembered. She screamed, and cried, and demanded to go see her baby. The other adults were able to stop her though. I don't think seeing her in… "that" state would really be very helpful.

And so, we found ourselves splitting up into groups in order to go find Rosa and Eva. Haruhi and I ended up searching alongside Kyrie, who carried one of the guns. I've barely talked to this woman at all, considering she died first the last time. Our method of searching is pretty simple. Everyone pick a direction, go down a hallway and check every room.

"Kyon…"

Haruhi had been pretty quiet up until now, but she finally spoke up again as we finished checking the first room, which was actually just an over-sized storage closet.

"That… I mean, the murders… How was that even possible? I mean, we locked and barricaded everything, didn't we? It was a closed room, there's no way the killer should've been able to do that while we were sleeping!"

Yeah… I don't want to think about it, but this is a murder mystery after all. People are going to die. Back there, that was just a little extreme. But if we think of this as a mystery—there's really no such thing as a 'perfect' closed room, right?

"My my. You kids sure have been through a lot. I'm sorry you had to go through it all. But you're right. A perfect closed room is just an excuse people use when they've stopped thinking about it. Maybe think of it from a different angle. Why create a closed room in the first place?"

The slight smile and vaguely amused tone in Kyrie's voice was unsettling, and I found myself glancing nervously at her gun. But she had a point, too. A closed room is usually made to hide the truth, or make a crime much more difficult to solve, right? Of course, this time we created the closed room, locking ourselves in.

"Another question than – Why were you two the only ones who survived?"

Well, I think I already know the answer to that, but "Because we're the main characters" probably wouldn't be a satisfactory answer. But the fact that the killer made it into our room, managed to kill everyone without waking us up, and in such a gruesome manner, it's really hard to believe. Might just have to go with magic on this one.

* * *

><p>"It really does make you out to be the obvious suspects, doesn't it? Except we've already proclaimed your innocence in red. But we're going to be nice. Even though nobody on the game board knows about the red truth, none of the pieces will accuse you of being the culprit. It might be a little unrealistic, and it'd certainly be fun to watch you get beat up again. But it'd also be pretty tedious, so we'll just skip that part. Okay?<p>

* * *

><p>*Click*<p>

"Huh? Kyon, this door is locked."

This was the fourth door we came too, and none of the others had revealed anything so far.

"Kyrie-san, do you have the key?"

"No, I'm afraid not. I believe this is the library? The servants all have master keys, and I'm pretty sure this door has a specific key as well. We could find someone with a key and have them open it for us, but this is an emergency, isn't it? We have a type of key right here. You might want to take a step back."

With a somewhat sadistic grin, Kyrie raised the barrel of her gun and pressed it against the door handle. Woah, hang on a second! That's dangerous! You can't just blow open doors like in the movies, there's a chance it could ricochet and oh crap she's really going to do it. I grabbed Haruhi and we both ducked into one of the previous rooms.

*BANG*

I covered me ears as the sound of the gunshot echoed through the hallway. Won't that bring everyone else running? Hey, is everyone alright? Haruhi? I didn't seem to be hurt, but…

*BANG*

A second gunshot echoed following the first. What the hell? Is the lock really that sturdy?

"Hmm, that was easier than I thought. Too bad Rudolf went with Battler; he would love to be able to do something like that. "

Kyrie giggled softly as the door swung open.

"There was a chain lock too, sorry for the surprise."

A chain lock? So this is another closed room. I got up, dusted myself off, took a deep breath, and peered into the room.

…

Well, I guess we won't have to keep looking now.

Eva and Rosa sat slumped over a table at opposite ends of each other. There was a bloody hole in each of their chests, and two guns on the table in front of them.

I took a few more deep breaths to try and calm my nerves, and then entered the room. Maybe once I can actually act like a proper detective?

Haruhi was right by my side, and she approached both corpses and shakily reached out to feel their pulse. She instantly shook her head, but it was kind of obvious already.

"They're both cold, so they've been dead here for at least a couple hours, right?"

Maybe the doctor could give a better answer, but that sounds about right. I noticed there was an open book in between both of them, stained with blood. An atlas of Taiwan?

"Hmm. The last time I saw both of them was right after the family conference. We had been discussing the epitaph near the end there, and I remember Eva saying she wanted to look up a few more things. Guess she never made it to bed after all."

Damn, this woman is cold. It's really starting to freak me out. This scene here… two guns, two dead women. It looks like maybe they both just shot each other, doesn't it?

"It does seem that way, doesn't it. But if you turn the chessboard around, doesn't it seem more like somebody set it up to look like that?"

Chessboard? What? Ignoring your metaphor for now, that makes sense. But why would the culprit go to such extremes with the first murder, but something comparatively tame for the second?

"Hey, Kyon, I think there's something here…"

Haruhi gingerly reached out for Eva and pulled her head back. Bile rose up in the back of my throat as I noticed how limply it moved, almost like a doll.

"Yeah, this here. There's a hole in her throat, see?"

There was. A hole maybe the size of a pen going into her windpipe. There was a lot of dried blood that had trickled down her throat and onto her dress as well. It was large enough that you could see into and- okay yeah I'm going to go look at something else for a minute.

"That doesn't make much sense. Why stab them in the neck and shoot them in the stomach?"

Haruhi quickly checked Rosa's corpse and confirmed that it shared an almost identical neck wound.

"There's a lot less blood around the stomach wounds. Maybe they were shot after they were already dead, hmm? In any case, I should probably go tell the others, right? Poor Hideoyoshi will want to know about Eva, after all."

After vocalizing the theory that was already starting to come to my mind, Kyrie inexplicably turned and headed for the door. Hey, wait a second! You're just leaving us here?

"Don't worry about it. You kids have fun playing detective now! Oh, and before I forget, how thoroughly did you examine the scene of the first murder?"

And with that she was gone, her laughter fading into distance back down the hallway.

So. Uh, yeah. That was weird.

Haruhi looked exactly how I felt – Mildly confused. Well, she had a point. We didn't check the first crime scene at all, did we? I… don't' really want too, but there's a good chance we missed something important, isn't there?

"Yeah, you're probably right."

Haruhi moved over to where I was standing and leaned in close for a conspiratorial whisper.

"Don't you think she was being suspicious? Kyrie, I mean."

Yeah. That's kind of an understatement, Haruhi. If anything, she was acting too suspicious.

"What was that she said? Turning the chessboard around – Like trying to see it from the opponent's point of view, right?"

So what? Try to think about why someone would deliberately act that suspicious? She seemed a pretty smart woman; I doubt it'd be something accidental.

"What if she's the culprit, but is only acting suspicious because everyone will think "Oh, that's too obvious".

That's kind of playing a dangerous game though, and expecting everyone else to be really clever. I think I read a mystery novel once where, despite all evidence to the contrary, the killer turned out to be the guy standing over the body with a smoking gun.

"Ugh, this is just going in circles! Whether she's too suspicious or not suspicious enough, let's just focus on this for now. C'mon Kyon, let's look for more clues, and then we can go back and check the bedroom, okay?

* * *

><p>"Blech, who the hell puts lettuce into a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?"<p>

Wasn't me. You're the one who likes lame practical jokes, right?

"Whatever! Let's get down to business than, shall we? Looks like you guys are getting used to the sight of dead bodies, ooh, how cold hearted! I hope you don't get too used to it now, who knows what you might turn into later down the road? What's that saying again, something about he who fights monsters?"

Lambdadelta was already back to her usual posturing and aggressiveness. He who… tries to solve crimes and has to witness a bunch of murders, what, snaps and murders people himself? That doesn't even make sense.

"Sh-shut up! I'm trying to say it might give you PTSD or something! Do you have to snark about everything? Seriously, give a—Mmmf!"

Bernkastel slapped out her hand and covered it over Lambdadelta's mouth. Lamba let out a muffled scream, and there was a sickening sizzling and popping noise, as wisps of smoke rose from her hand. When she released it, Lambdadelta's lips appeared to have melted shut.

"Why don't you be quiet for awhile, Lamba? I'll handle things for now, okay?"

Rather than reacting in the way any normal person would at something like that, Lamba just crossed her arms and huffed, then eyed her half-eaten sandwich with disappointment.

"You see? Bondage like this can be erotic when I'm in the mood. Now, let's back to the game. It's your move. There's a closed room. How are you going to explain it?"

Bernkastel drained her teacup, set it on the table beside her, and then turned to face us. No boasts, no threats. Just a cold, challenging stare.

"Alright, Kyon. I mean, I don't think this is really the answer, but let's start with it to get it out of the way.

_**[Blue] It was a double murder! Eva and Rosa locked the door, got into an argument, and both shot each other! [Blue]"**_

Haruhi's truth echoed around the chamber and sort of just hung there, as Bernkastel reached over to pour herself a new cup of tea.

"**[Red] Eva did not kill Rosa. Rosa did not kill Eva. [Red]** … Surely you have more?"

Yeah right. We're just getting started!

_**[Blue] It was a suicide; they both shot themselves! It was an accident; the guns went off by mistake! It was a trap, which was somehow triggered and killed them! [Blue]"**_

There, three theories at once. See, Koizumi? I do pay attention to the things you say sometimes. We just got to be opened minded and keep coming up with theories so—

"**[Red] This was deliberate murder. There were no accidents, and the culprit committed the crime in person, not remotely. [Red]"**

Damn. I get that we're supposed to look for loopholes with the red truth, but that pretty much rules out anything but the culprit coming in here and killing them himself.

"Suzumiya-san, I believe we should change our pattern of attack. Let's focus on the structure of the room."

"Good point Koizumi-kun! If you look at it that way, it's totally easy, right? Chain locks are flimsy, and no match for human ingenuity! _**[Blue] The culprit reset the chain lock from outside the door, using a wire or other similar tool! [Blue]"**_

"**[Red] It is impossible to set a chain lock from outside the door using any method. [Red]"**

"What! No way!"

That's complete bullshit! Give me a coat hanger and some time and I could totally set one of those! It might not be the easiest thing to pull off, but saying it's impossible is ridiculous!

"The red truth is the truth, right? Whether or not it holds true in real life, for the purposes of this game board **"[Red] It is impossible to set a chain lock from outside the door using any method. [Red]" **That's just the way it is. Surely you can think of a better answer, anyways?"

Damnit! Now you're saying not only do we have to figure out how these murders were caused, but we have to do it by following whatever messed up rules this game follows? Next you're going to tell me that gravity doesn't work the same way in certain places, or conservation of energy doesn't hold true!

Lambdadelta was rolling around on her side of the couch laughing, although with her mouth still sealed shut it was nothing more than mumbling, choking, and snorting. Haruhi was starting to grit her teeth with frustration again. Hey, we gotta keep cool, remember?

"Fine! We didn't check the library very thoroughly, so _**[Blue] The culprit escaped through a different door! Or the culprit escaped through the window! [Blue]"**_

"… This is starting to get sad. **[Red] There is only one door to the library. There are no windows. [Red]"**

Damnit! How the hell do you get passed a chain lock if you can't even think about manipulating it from the outside! There's got to be an angle I'm missing here, right

"U-um… m-maybe _**[Blue] the culprit is s-still in the room? [Blue]**_ I mean there are a lot of bookshelves in the room and you guys didn't… really check and…"

Asahina-san wilted as we turned to stare at her, somewhat shocked that she'd spoken up, as well as at the content of her truth. The culprit still in the room? That's a pretty scary thought. Someone just waiting back there, weapon in hand, hoping that both Haruhi and I leave, or they simply have to kill us right then.

"U-um… did I say something wrong? I'm sorry, I'll just…"

No, no, it's fine, really! I'm just surprised you were able to help, that's all. Thanks, that's a great hint.

Bernkastel stared at us all for a long time. Asahina-san began to whimper softly, and it looked like all she wanted was to make herself smaller and disappear. Finally, a smile began to form on Bernkastel's lips. Not the arrogant smirks she was wearing before, but this seemed… warm. Like a sort of resignation on her part.

"Well. You can count me surprised. I never expected you guys to reach that solution so easily. And from such an unlikely source too. Looks can be deceiving, and even the most humble can provide insightful wisdom sometimes, right? Oh well. I worked hard on this one, but you've got to admit, this was kind of fun, right?"

Fun, huh? I'm not sure if I really share you enthusiasm. If fun was the goal, couldn't we just play the logic games without the horrible murder? Whatever, the game's not over yet, right? We still have the first locked room to solve, after all. Although if I think about it using what we learned here than—

"**[Red] WELL THAN IT'S TOO BAD YOU'RE WROOOOONG! There is no person in the room other than Kyon and Haruhi! Ahahaahahahaahahaahahah! [Red]"**

There was a thunderous boom, and a blinding flash of crimson. Asahina-san's truth, which had seemed so strong before, shattered like glass under the hammer of red. Letting out a heart-wrenching scream, she was blown across the room, crashing into one of the bookshelves. Bernkastel's previously stoic demeanor was gone, and her face was twisted into something maniacal, evil, and laughing like a madwoman.

"Seriously! I can't stand that moe crap! "Waah, look at me, I'm so helpless and klutzy and dumb and I sure wish someone would come along and protect me!" Well, go on then. Rise to her defense. Protect the innocent one, right? Be a big manly hero! Ahahaahahaha!"

Damnit, damnit, damnit! Stop screwing with me! Can't we just play the game without all this bullshit? No. stop it. She's just trying to provoke you again. It's all they want, a reaction. Come on, take a deep breath.

"Hey! Mikuru-chan, are you alright? Come on!"

Both Haruhi and I quickly rushed to Asahina-san's side. She was unconscious, with a light cut on her forehead, and a trickle of blood running down her face. Hey, if she has a concussion, that can be really serious, right?

"She is fine."

"You're not just saying that, are you?"

Nagato tilted her head slightly as I asked my question, seeming unsure as to what I meant. Of course, this is Nagato we're talking about. If she says Asahina-san is fine, than she's fine. Sorry, and thanks.

"Guys, I'm sorry to suggest this now, but it might be best if we withdraw for now too. This is getting dangerous, and we should carefully consider our moves before moving forward."

Yeah, Koizumi. You're probably right. Damnit, two losses in a row? This isn't looking good.

"Come on Kyon! Everyone knows the heroes get kicked around a bunch at first, but finally pull it together to win at the last minute!"

Haruhi gave me a smile and thumbs up with her declaration, but… I could hear her voice falter slightly, and her smile didn't quite reach her eyes. Damnit.

I had tuned it out while I was checking on Asahina-san, but when I turned back, I realized Bernkastel had stopped laughing, and was back to calmly sipping her tea. Surprisingly, Lambdadelta was looking rather glum. Probably mad she couldn't have done all that herself, right? I made my way back to my seat with Haruhi, while Koizumi and Nagato picked up Asahina-san to lie her down on one of the couches.

"Hey. We're done for now, let's continue."

Bernkastel just looked up at me slightly, back to her cold stare, as if that manic outburst hadn't even happened.

"Very well."

No insults, or crude laughter. Whatever. Let's just get on with this. As I reached for the controller, a brief thought flickered through my mind. It's probably not important, but might as well double check.

"Oh, hey. I really doubt it, but I forgot to check. There aren't any hidden doors or anything, right?"

"Mfff, mmm Mffmfmf mmmf!"

Lambdadelta rolled her eyes and mumbled what was probably some insult to my intelligence. Bernkastel smirked slightly, although it was at her partners antics, not at my question.

"Of course .There are no hidden doors in this room. "

Right, yeah. Let's just keep going then.

"Um… Kyon, she didn't say that in red…"

What?

"There are no hidden doors in this room."

…

"There are no hidden doors in this room!"

Bernkastel repeated the statement several times, but not once did it carry the weight of truth. Does that mean there are hidden doors? What the hell? Lambdadelta's eyes were wide open with shock, and Bern was starting to look angry.

"There are no hidden doors in this room! 0 hidden doors exist in this room! There is no entrance or exit to this room that is undiscovered! There are no hidden doors in this room!" What the hell is this?**! ****[Red] I am the gamemaster! I designed this game board! And I declare that [Red]** there are no hidden doors in this room! Gayaaaargh! "

* * *

><p>Something caught my attention - A breath of cold air on the back of my neck. A draft?<p>

"Hmm, Kyon. Didn't Battler say something about Taiwan being connected to the solution for the epitaph?"

Taiwan? What? Oh right, the book on the table. Yeah, I think he did, but what's it matter. We've already seen the gold, right?

I made my way to the far side of the room. There's definitely a draft back here. I think I can hear something, too. Wait, this bookcase…

"Haruhi! Come here, I think I found something!"

Together, Haruhi and I pushed the bookcase to the side, to reveal what was behind it.

To call it a "hidden door" would kind of be an injustice. I'd really expect better from an elaborate mansion like this. It was, simply enough, a hole in the wall leading to the room next door, which appeared to be a small bathroom. It was large enough for a human to crouch through, and in all likelihood was made recently, as plaster dust, wallpaper, and other broken bits of wall still littered the floor that was behind the bookshelf and in the bathroom.

* * *

><p>"It was YOU, admit it!"<p>

Bernkastel, her face now livid, flung her accusation directly at Nagato, pointing and slowly walking towards her.

"…"

"You've been messing with it the whole time! Sitting here like a goddamn doll, while you were worming through my source code! What, knocking holes in the walls? Trying to give your friends solutions that don't exist? I will not allow this!"

"I cannot see the game board."

"Yeah right! Why should I believe the words of the puppet? I know exactly what your master is capable of, you lying freak!"

"**[Red] I cannot see the game board. I did not change anything on the game board. [Red]**

Bernkastel stopped in her tracks for a moment, before throwing her head back and laughing cruelly. Lambdadelta was shouting something muffled, accompanied with a fearful look as she fervently kept shaking her head.

"Fine! So you figured out the algorithm behind the red truth as well. If not you, than who else! Who could possibly have put a hole there without me noticing? It's impossible for anyone but you! I knew something was up from the beginning. You really think you can save your friends with a trick like this? **[Red] I WILL NOT LET YOU INTERFERE! [Red]**

Her anger switching to a sadistic grin, Bernkastel held out her hand as a large, purple scythe of energy materialized. I couldn't even see her first swing, but I certainly felt it. Nagato caught the blade with zero effort and took no damage, yet the force radiating from the blow pushed us all into our seats and blew through the room upturning anything loose.

"If we fight here, this space will be destroyed."

I'll admit, I haven't been paying much attention to Nagato until now. This mystery game was a lot to think about, and I had to worry about Haruhi and Asahina-san as well. Nagato can take care of herself- most of the time. But looking into her eyes right now, I was surprised to see those subtle cues of emotion indicating something that had probably been building up for her all night.

Nagato was furious.

"You're right. My bad. Destroying my own game board would be quite silly. I'm not done torturing everyone else yet. We'll just have to fight outside, won't we? "

Bernkastel pulled her weapon back, then leapt straight upwards, crashing through the ceiling and out into the swirling maelstrom above.

"Come and fight me, little puppet! I am Bernkastel, the Witch of Miracles! I have the power to create any miracle as long as the probability isn't zero! Let me show you just how worthless your data entity really is!"

"Nagato."

She looked towards me expectantly, waiting for me to give an order.

"Kick her ass."

"Understood."

Nagato began slowly rising up through the ceiling, to meet her waiting opponent.

*Sigh*

Lambdadelta skipped over to where we all were and gave an overly dramatic sigh before reaching up and unzipping her lips like she was a cartoon character.

"Sorry about all the fuss guys! Bern gets like this sometimes. Especially when other people touch her stuff. She's like a two year old, "mine mine mine"! Teehee. Still, she's getting in way over her head, I'd better go help. "In sickness and in health; till death do us part", right? "

Lambdadelta winked at us, then disappeared with a *POP*, and reappeared outside. Two versus one? Crap, what did I just let Nagato go do? No, I think this would've happened no matter what I said.

"Oh little puppet. You're outside of the game board now. If you want my advice…"

"You'd better run."

_The Executioner has arrived._


	4. Chapter 3: Of Gods and Men

From my vantage point below, the battle was already far off. Just mere dots now, they crashed into each other at lightning fast speeds, flashing brightly. After a few of these exchanges they sped off, taking the fight to somewhere that was completely out of sight.

What, we don't even get to watch?

"Kyon… what is this? What's going on? How is Yuki doing this?"

Crap. Haruhi's been pretty accepting of everything so far. Koizumi said she probably thinks this is all a dream, but I guess something like this breaks the suspension of disbelief a little too much.

"Haruhi… Look. I don't know exactly what's going on here. But I do know this: We should trust in Nagato, and believe that she can pull this off, no matter how she does it. Okay?"

Haruhi pursed her lips together looking unsure, but finally nodded her agreement.

"Your energy composition is flawed."

Nagato's voice rang out clearly, and we all turned to see that the screen had switched to show the battle. Nagato was holding onto Bernkastel's scythe with one hand, as it slowly dissolved into motes of energy.

"Come on girl! You need to smile more, feel the rush of battle!"

Waving her arms around and giggling like some sort of mad magician, Lambdadelta threw what appeared to be fireworks towards Nagato. It might be more accurate to describe it as a cascading series of colorful explosions, but instead of sparks, each one was an individual piece of candy.

"Attack pattern analyzed. Usage structure: Material rebound."

Nagato kept flying, twisting and dodging through the explosions as she held up her own hand, chanting in that incomprehensible language she uses to cast her spells. The bits and pieces of candy-shrapnel that missed and now littered the space all around her began to form up, and shot towards Lambdadelta as spears of energy, forcing her to stop attacking and dodge.

"Stop playing, puppet! It wouldn't be any fun to kill you right away!"

Having apparently summoned another scythe, Bernkastel spun, cutting a gap in the fabric of reality behind her. Massive blue serpents burst from the hole behind her, like all the heads of an immense hydra forcing their way in from another reality. The leviathan's all converged on Nagato, mouths open wide with teeth the size of aircraft carriers.

"Kyon, this… this is insane. "

Tell me about it. Nagato blocked the first one outright, a massive energy shield shattering the beast into a million pieces. As she ducked in between the next two, she was able to grab a hold of the fourth, swing herself up, and begin to run along the length of the serpents back. I've seen her move at near light speed before, but the snakes were almost able to keep up, snapping at her, getting in her way, and tearing their brethren apart.

Finally, Nagato reached the portal where they were all coming from, and with a single touch it snapped shut, severing every head as they all fell towards… something. Does the cold vacuum of an alternate dimension even have a sense of direction or gravity? Nagato was now just a few feet from Bernkastel, and the two stared at each other. One looked significantly angrier than the other.

"Expanding data control range. Deploying offensive data. Shifting to Termination Mode. Authorization for Unlimited Functions granted. Precognition restored."

If I caught that right, it means Nagato is going all out. It's something she can only do in a place like this. Still, she gave up her ability to see into the future for a reason. I'm sorry you have to do this for our sake, Nagato.

"Yes! That's what I was waiting for! I don't care how good you are with data. As a Voyager, I have access to all worlds! And here's an important lesson, puppet. No matter what you do or where you look, there's always someone better than you!"

As Bernkastel held out her hand the maelstrom of space began to spin violently, and a single mote of blue light appeared in front of her, which she promptly crushed.

Reality warped and rippled, and suddenly Nagato was standing in an empty grassy field, complete with a clear blue sky. Everything was peaceful for just a split second, until something let out a haunting, alien cry and Nagato was cast in shadow.

Looming above her was some sort of enormous, octahedral creature, floating with an ominous hum. Before Nagato even reacted, the creature shifted its form like a ferrofluid exposed to a magnet, pointing towards her and releasing a massive beam of energy.

"Yuki!"

The beam rent through the earth with a massive explosion, leaving Nagato in a large scar full of bubbling magma. She stood with one arm above her head, blackened and burnt up to her elbow. Damn, just looking at that hurts! Still, Nagato didn't even flinch.

"… Shielding protocol insufficient for scale of attack. Switch to redirection method."

With an unearthly roar, the creature twisted again, and fired another laser. This time, instead of sweeping across the ground, it simply stopped. For a second, the laser just hung there, but with a flash from the sky, the same beam of energy pierced through the creature, as if it had been impaled by a giant spear. Nagato was floating above, apparently having used some sort of portal to turn its own attack on itself.

The creature screamed; its form spazzing in every sort of shape imaginable before finally seizing up and erupting in an ocean of blood. As its corpse fell to the ground reality shifted again, returning Nagato to the maelstrom.

"Yoohoo! Don't think you get a moment to rest, you still have to play with me after all!"

Holy crap! Floating above Lambdadelta's head was a massive ball of energy. Except, that description really doesn't do it justice. I'll just say it straight out: It was an _entire_ _freaking sun_. The scale was immense; Lambda was completely invisible below the thing. They say the earth would fit our sun a million times over. And here was the awesome, massive, destructive power of nuclear fusion in the hands of a little girl; being used as a weapon.

It was about this time it truly dawned on me that what we were watching could only be described as a fight between gods.

"Catch!"

Lambdadelta hurled the sun towards Nagato with a rather unfitting line. I know Nagato is powerful and all, but is she really capable of dealing with something like this? This is just insane!

"…"

Nagato turned and looked at the screen, directly towards me. She met my eyes, and her expression seemed to say something. Almost like an apology.

"Direct link established. Full download complete. All combat functions are now in direct control of the Data Integrated Thought Entity."

There was a bright flash, and Nagato was enveloped in a burning aura as her voice echoed and became distorted. Just looking at her set off a terrible itch in the back of my brain. I was reminded of my former classmate who thought he fell in love because he had caught a glimpse of the IDSE. Is this what we're seeing now?

"Reality structure achieved. Hydrogen containment in process."

As the burning ball of gas sped toward Nagato, a small (relative) box of _something_ seemed to close on a tiny piece of the star, before disappearing. Then another. And another. All over small pieces were chipped away at an ever increasing speed. By the time it reached Nagato, all that was left was a baseball sized fireball, which she caught with her still burnt hand and crushed into dust.

"Ahahahahaha! Moron! Stupid! Idiot! I can't believe you actually showed yourself. The master has stepped in to save his puppet. I've always wanted to do something like this, but to think I'd actually get the chance."

Bernkastel held up another fragment of blue light, her eyes wide with a manic glee.

"Your dominance over the multi-verse isn't as complete as you think! It'll be a shame not knowing you, but that's the price you have to pay for destruction like this!"

Bernkastel swung her scythe, spitting the fragment in two. Reality was torn in front of Nagato, and the rift opened up into an immense sideways eye, reptilian and a vibrant blue.

As I watched, a terrible sound wrecked through my skull. Sounds of death, destruction, bloodshed, rape, killing, burning, bodies, murder, pain, pain, pain! Through all the mindless, maddening noise, one phrase was clear.

I  
>SERVE<br>NONE  
>BUT<br>KORROK

I clutched my head in agony, and was vaguely aware of the others doing the same. Still, I tried my best to pay attention to Nagato. Shadows began to pour from the eye, but that description doesn't really do it much justice either. Whatever they were, it was as if they were moving holes cut into reality with two burning pinpricks of light to serve as eyes and the only distinguishing feature.

As the onslaught on my sanity started to die down, the onslaught on Nagato increased. The shadows came at her from every direction, and she ducked, dived, twisted, rolled, and pretty much every word in the dictionary for "got out of the way".

As shadows continued to pour from the eye, they completely surrounded her, almost a solid black sphere. As they closed in, Nagato created a massive shield around herself, which, as the shadows reached for it—

She was completely surrounded, and as they all closed in no defense was put up. She tried to dodge, but one managed to grab a hold of her arm and—

"Once you die, Haruhi Suzumiya is bound to have some sort of reaction. This might create a massive data explosion from which we could salvage something. This could be the chance in a lifetime for us."

I don't really care about that!

"Now die."

I could feel Asakura lifting her knife up. Where would she start? The throat arteries, heart? If I knew how I was going to die, I could at least be prepared. At least let me close my eyes... No, I can't do that. This is it!

With a sickening sound and flash of pain, Asakura Ryouko's knife plunged straight into my heart.

"Well, that was certainly easy. All of that buildup seems silly now. I wonder how I should leave your body. Maybe if I cut you up into a bunch of pieces the reaction will be even more interesting? Oh well. It's not like you'll get to see what happens."

"Goodby—"

"Temporal backup restored."

Gyaaah! With a sharp, painful breath and an explosion of confusion in my brain I fell to the floor. What the hell was that? Asakura stabbing me? That was where Nagato was supposed to come save me, right? Haruhi and Koizumi looked just as messed up as I did, as if they remembered something awful.

"Analysis complete. Negative entity weakness: Human belief and faith in symbols."

Nagato was floating above the mass of shadows, completely unharmed. As the swirling puddle of nothingness seemed to realize their target had moved, they reformed, and charged upwards. Nagato's form erupted with a glowing golden light and she was surrounded by a swirling shield made up of symbols. A Cross, the Star of David, various strange texts of ancient languages, a Christmas tree, and every other remotely religious belief, icon, or imagery every conceived by humankind.

With a golden flash, the shadows all dissolved, and the great eye slowly closed and faded away.

"Hey!"

Lambdadelta called out from across the open void.

"You know, some people might call me a one trick pony."

Igniting out of nothing into existence around Nagato, more stars began to spring up. There was a dozen in all, forming somewhat of a sphere all around her.

"To them, I would say this. MY PONY KNOWS THE BEST TRICK!"

As Lambdadelta cackled gleefully, each star moved towards Nagato as a dark sphere of energy exploded just beneath her. It kept growing and the pull kept growing stronger the larger it got. Was this some kind of black hole!

Nagato was flying away from that advancing pull of annihilation, but she barely made any progress and it was clear that soon the gravity would overtake her.

"Backup requested."

Nagato still spoke with a chorus of voices that weren't her own, giving off a feeling of alien power that I'd never felt from her before. Should I just start thinking of this as the IDSE, instead of Nagato?"

"Well. I'm glad you asked me to join you. Getting to do something this much fun doesn't happen often for a worthless backup like me, right?"

With a sweet voice that sent chills down my spine and the all too familiar sound of a knife slipping into flesh, Asakura Ryouko appeared behind Lambdadelta.

"Wha-? How!"

"I guess even Voyagers bleed. Fascinating. Nagato-san, I don't suppose you could capture one alive for study? No, I guess it's not really an option.

Lambdadelta screamed as Asakura twisted and swam the knife through her back, like she was a kid playing with a stick in the water. Almost as if she sensed my discomfort, Asakura turned towards the screen and looked directly at me.

"Hey you. Long time no see. I'm sorry we can't meet in person, but as you can see the circumstances are a bit different now. But there's the future, right? We'll meet again someday soon, that's a promise."

Please, don't keep that. I see your face enough in my nightmares, let it stay there. Lambdadelta's impressive solar assault fell apart into nothing, and with a pained grimace she disappeared from Asakura's knife with a *POP*.

"Well, guess I'm out. The fights not over yet, just wait till you see Bern's final spellcard!"

Lambdadelta promptly reappeared next to all of us on the couch, a bandage wrapped around her midsection and a bucket of popcorn in her hands. I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but just found myself closing it again.

Rather than saying anything, Bernkastel just quickly tossed up another fragment and smashed it, her face contorted into a vivid rage.

The scene shifted again, the swirling maelstrom replaced with a view of space, full of galaxies and nebulae. And then somehow, defying all logic and common sense, a great beast began to pull itself from the galaxy itself. What the hell! Is this for real? It rose, burning with an immense black fire.

This is seriously impossible, right? Something like that would destroy a million worlds every time it took a step! And even with all the powers of the IDSE behind her, Nagato was just one little girl.

"It looks like I won't be able to help you here. Well, it was fun doing just this much. Goodbye."

Asakura Ryouko once again dissolved into nothingness. Damnit, you won't even stick around to finish the job?

"…"

Once again, Nagato turned to look at the screen, facing us.

"Current data generation is insufficient."

_I'm sorry_

Through the chorus of voices of the IDSE, a single apology slipped through, barely audible. Nagato reached out her hand, and Haruhi began to scream.

"Gyaaaah! It hurts, my head…"

Haruhi erupted with a fierce blue light as she clutched her head. What the hell? Nagato, stop it, you're hurting her! No, it really wasn't Nagato. She would never do something like this. Damnit! That bastard! I've always hated the Integrated Overlord, but this was going too far! As soon as we get out of this, I'm telling Haruhi the truth and erasing your ass for good.

Almost as quickly as it had begun, the blue light winked out and Haruhi fell towards the floor as I managed to leap forward and catch her. Hey, are you alright? It looks like she's unconscious, but still breathing. I swear, if this is worse than it looks…

As the impossibly large creature moved over thousands of light years with every step, an equally sized blue arm shot out and grabbed the beast's left side, followed by another arm on the other side. Two celestials stepped out from a fold of reality, at a size where they could match the beast and hold it in place.

The beast started to struggle, but it was no use. Nagato shot forward like a tiny arrow of light, crossing the impossibly large distance between them.

And there she was. With all the destructive power of the universe still raging beneath them, Nagato simply held up Bernkastel by the neck as she vainly tried to kick and struggle.

*SNAP*

Bernkastel went limp and Nagato let her drop. The celestials, the beast, and the galaxies all shimmered and vanished, switching back to the maelstrom.

With a crash, Bernkastel busted through the ceiling and landed roughly on the floor across the room. Was she really dead?

"Of course not! I mean, I got stabbed, and look at me!"

But you both definitely lost. She's right; Bernkastel was still twitching and breathing, even with a broken neck. Eh, maybe it's bad form to kick someone while they're down, but…

_**"[Blue] The culprit was able to commit the murders and escape by using the hidden door. [Blue]"**_

A small spear of blue flew out and stuck itself through Bernkastel's arm, pinning her to the floor and causing her to whimper in pain.

"…"

I felt a familiar silence, and turned to see Nagato floating outside of the window. The aura and presence that had accompanied her when the IDSE was in control was gone. So is it just you then?"

"Yes."

"…"

"I'm sorry."

That was the Captain Data-asshole's doing, right? Don't beat yourself up; he's the one who needs to pay.

"That is just an excuse. It's my fault for allowing things to escalate that far. "

Is Haruhi going to be alright?

"Yes. She is merely unconscious, and should wake shortly with no negative side effects."

Well there you go. When we're all back in the clubroom together, Haruhi and I will figure out a penalty for you. Now stop floating outside like that. You need to apologize to her yourself, too.

"…"

"I cannot re-enter the game."

What?

"Re-entry has been barred to me."

What? Are you saying you've been banned? I looked over my shoulder to see Lambdadelta sticking her tongue out. Bitch. Well, that's okay; you can just wait out here and watch, right?

"I can no longer maintain my form in this space. My existence here was feeble to begin with, and I can no longer remain."

What! Are you saying you're going to die?"  
>"…"<p>

Nagato! Answer me!

"Before I entered this space I made a full backup of myself on the island of Rokkenjima in the year 2011. I will not retain any of the memories made here."

So what, you're just going to forget everything that happened?

"…"

"Hold out your arm."

I did as she asked, opening the window and sticking my arm out. Just like I had seen her do so many times before, she lightly sunk her teeth into my wrist.

Nagato…

"When you escape and meet up with me again, I will be able to synchronize and regain these memories."

Hey, Nagato. Did you really put that hole in the wall?

"No. I cannot affect the game board. They were mistaken."

Really? Than where the hell did it come from? They weren't just bluffing so they'd have an excuse to fight you, were they?

Nagato's form began to slowly break up into motes of light, like I had seen Asakura do in the past. It wasn't a pleasant sight, but I knew that this was only a temporary goodbye.

"Nagato. Don't worry. We're going to beat them and be home in no time."

"…"

"I know."

And with that, she was gone. I closed the window, let out a deep sigh, and turned back to the others. Asahina-san and Haruhi were still unconscious, while Lambdadelta was fussing over Bernkastel's broken form. So what, that just leaves the two of us?

"I'm afraid so. As much as that was an amazing display of power, we're now down our most capable member, and the other two are incapacitated. Still, I think the two of us might stand a chance if we work together, what do you say?"

Yeah, not a chance in hell bud. Rebuffing Koizumi's offer of teamwork, I made my way over to where Haruhi lay, and began to shake her gently. Hey, come on, you're fine. Wake up.

"Mmmm… Huh? Kyon? Whats going on…"

After a few moments of bleary confusion, Haruhi sat straight up, looking around the room.

"Huh? What happened? Did Yuki win? Where is she?"

Yeah, Nagato won. Beat the ever-living crap out of them. Can't say I've ever seen someone who deserved it more. I'm not sure how much it'll matter in the long run though. And well, she's gone. Not gone gone, I mean she's fine, but she just had to leave. I promise, she'll be waiting for us when we get out of here.

"Oh. I see."

Haruhi pursed her lips in thought, sounding unsure. Hey, look, about the whole crazy magic battle thing… I mean, there's probably a good explanation for it. No there isn't. Damnit. Okay, Haruhi, look, I'm going to need you to sit down for this one.

"Huh? Kyon, what are you babbling about? You really didn't figure it out already?"

Alright, this is about Nagato, and… Wait, what?

"Weren't you paying attention? This is just like what Koizumi-kun said earlier! We watched pretty much all of that fight on the screen, right? So they're free to show us whatever they want. So Yuki is can be a godlike alien there, just like she was in my movie. But it doesn't mean that's what actually happened."

My mouth fell wide open, I could only stare stupidly, my confession caught in my throat. Even Koizumi seemed taken aback. Was she really just doing our job for us?

"I mean, come on. This place is barely real anyways. **[Red] I'm talking in color, Kyon! [Red]** Not to mention the furniture keeps moving around or changing shape and color. So what's it matter what happens in whacky dream-land? We just have to focus on the game so we can win and get home, right?"

"Wow. Excellent deduction as always, Suzumiya-san. I'll admit, even I was fooled for a bit there, but it seems like you've managed to see what both of us missed."

Haruhi was beaming at Koizumi's empty praise, and I found myself resting my head in my hands. Well, I suppose it's for the best, right? She even kind of has a point. Pretty much anything can happen here.

"But hey, Kyon… Yuki is, I mean, she's really okay, right?"

"Yeah, don't worry about it. She knows that we can win, and we'll all be out of here and see her soon, got it?"

She also says she's sorry, but that's for her to say. Haruhi smiled and went over to check on the still sleeping Asahina-san. I found myself making my way to talk to our battered foes.

"Hey. We can still play the game, right? You guys aren't too beaten up, are you?"

Lambdadelta was bouncing on the balls of her feet excitedly, with the blood soaked bandages around her waist as the only evidence she had even been in a fight. Comparatively, Bernkastel was still a crumpled, broken heap on the floor.

"Don't worry about it! Bern needs a little break, but I can handle things from here. Your friend really taught us a lesson, huh. I'm always telling Bern that one of these days she's going to poke a dog that can bite back, but she never listens. "

Lambadadelta gave an exaggerated shrug, giggling. I think Bernkastel was at least somewhat conscious, because she made a gurgling sound and twitched slightly at Lambda's comment.

"Oh be quiet! We got our asses kicked fair and square. Well, almost. "

Lambdadelta suddenly turned and peered at Haruhi from across the room, with a puzzled expression on her face.

"There's definitely something special about that girlfriend of yours, but I can't really figure it out. Oh well! We'll have all the time we want with you once we win, so I can wait until then."

"She's not my—Yeah, don't count on it. You really think you can bounce back after something like this?"

Lambdadelta leaned in uncomfortably close, giving an insidious grin.

"Don't get too cocky now. What goes on outside the game board really has nothing to do with what happens in it. The game you have to play is one of logic and mystery. If you can't solve it and find the truth, than no amount of interfaces will be able to save you."

After holding that pose for a few seconds, Lambdadelta stuck her tongue out and hopped backwards, giggling and spinning, before she stopped with a wince, clutching her back.

"Man that really smarts. Whoever that girl was that popped up out of nowhere, she's got a mean stabbing arm."

Yeah, tell me about it.

Lambdadelta started giggling and I suddenly felt uneasy that I now shared something in common with her. Whatever. I made my way back to the others.

"Hey, Asahina-san. Are you feeling okay?"

"Ah. No, I'm okay, Kyon-kun. My head hurts a little, but it's nothing, really. I'm sorry you had to worry about me."

Lovely as ever, Asahina-san seems to have made a full recovery. Not that your advice wasn't helpful, but in the future if you have any ideas; whisper them to us or something instead. No need for you to get in the line of fire, okay?

She nodded bashfully, and the rest of us took our seats, ready to start the game again.

"Alrighty then! You've solved part of the first twilight, congratulations! Even if it was by cheating. You haven't figured out the first set of murders though, and you never will! Not to mention, it's not like this ghastly tale of serial murders is over. There's plenty more to come!"

* * *

><p>"Well, I guess that explains it. It feels kind of dumb though. Who breaks a hole in the wall to escape a closed room?"<p>

Someone with a sledgehammer who isn't very good at hiding crimes, I imagine. I crouched through the hole myself, to explore the bathroom on the other side. The window was open, explaining the draft, but other than that I couldn't see any clues in here.

"Hmm. Well, I mean we solved this one, but it doesn't help us catch the culprit. Come on Kyon, remember what Kyrie-san said? We should go double check the bedroom."

Yeah. As much as I don't want to, you're probably right. I made my way back through the hole, and after a quick prayer of respect for the dead we made our way out of the Library. Except…

I stopped, staring at the door. Something was off, something missing, but I couldn't place it. Like a feeling of déjà vu, or a barely remembered dream. Damnit. It's probably something important, right?

"Come on Kyon, let's go! Stop dawdling!"

Eh. We already found the hidden door. No use thinking about this closed room any longer.

Rather than passing through the entry hall where everyone was (presumably) still gathered, we took a back route to get back to the second floor and to our room, not running into anyone in the process.

"Kyon… I'm ready for this."

My hand was trembling as I reached for the door knob. Look, you've seen it once already, and it was mostly surprise. It's horrific, yes, but maybe I can pretend they're just a bunch of mannequins or something.

Here goes!

…

Well, it almost seems like that buildup was for nothing. Blood stains still covered the walls and floor, as well as the written message, but all the body parts were gone.

"Kyon, it's all missing! Everything's gone!"

Yeah, I can see that, thanks. Let's take a closer look.

We made our way into the room cautiously, checking the dressers, under the bed, in the bathroom, in the adjoining room.

"I guess someone came in here and cleaned the place out. Doesn't that seem suspicious though? Someone creeping through the hallways hoping they don't get caught while carrying a dripping garbage bag or something?"

Maybe the killer dumped all of them out the window, then went down to get it later, or had an accomplice pick it up.

"Maybe. That's right; I almost forgot the killer doesn't have to work alone. An accomplice, huh? Wait, Kyrie-san was the one who told us to go check here; you don't think she's the culprit or accomplice, do you?"

Didn't we already have this discussion? If anything, it just makes her more suspicious, which might mean she's really less suspicious and yeah I'm stopping there. In any case, the evidence has all been destroyed, so we're screwed.

* * *

><p>"Ohohoho! All the evidence is gone, what are you going to do? Maybe you should've checked more thoroughly the first time, but that's okay. Vomiting is pretty important too."<p>

Lambdadelta laughed and taunted us, but I barely heard it. Haruhi and I were huddled together, quickly going over our plan.

"Alright Kyon. Let's do this."

"Lambda. Let's revisit the first murder. We're going to smash your closed room to pieces."

"Wow, such bravado. Well come on, let's hear it! Your answer, your truth. But be careful! Stretch yourself too far in the witch's game and you leave yourself open to attack. "

Haruhi, eyes burning with a competitive fire, pointed her finger declaratively.

"_**[Blue] All the murders in the bedroom can be explained if we use the truth brought up by Mikuru-chan! We just have to assume the culprit was still in the room when we woke up, and left after we did. For instance, the killer was Shannon, Jessica, George, or Maria, and they prepared a fake corpse to fool us into thinking they were killed along with everyone else! [Blue]"**_

But that's not the only possibility. This can be explained without fake corpses too!

"_**[Blue] Even if they weren't the killer, it's possible they were an accomplice! They undid the closed room from the inside, and let the culprit in. After murdering everyone else, the culprit betrayed the accomplice, killing him too, then hiding and waiting for us to leave! [Blue]**_

And now the final blow, our finishing move!

" _**[Blue] And even if nobody in the room was a killer or an accomplice, this murder becomes possible to explain if we just assume that the killer was hiding in the room before we even arrived, and stayed hidden until the end. No magic is needed at all. Sorry, but this is checkmate! [Blue]"**_

A flash of light filled the room, illuminating Lambdadelta's dumbstruck expression for a moment, before three blue spears flew outwards, burying themselves in her chest.

"Gyaargh. Damnit… It looks like I've underestimated humans yet again. Blue truth… effective."

The spears of light sticking out of her faded and she collapsed to the ground. Looks like we've seen through your tricks. It was pretty impressive, but we were bound to find the right answer eventually. Are you sure you want to continue? I mean, there aren't really that many ways to construct a closed room. Better give up now.

"Don't get too full of yourself. I'll concede the first twilight to you now, but the game isn't over yet. If you think you've mastered the game you're even stupider than I thought! That was just the tutorial level!"

"Bring it on! I don't care what kind of closed rooms you make. Kyon and I will tear through every last one!"


	5. Chapter 4: Eyes of Madness

With the sickening popping sound of bones straightening out, Bernkastel pulled herself off the floor, coughing and gasping for air.

"Yay! Bern, glad you could join us again. You've missed a little bit, but it's okay. We haven't lost yet, and you'll be able to get revenge soon enough!"

Although she was as cheerful and bubbly as ever, Lambdadelta's voice was strained, like she was still in pain. Damn, I almost feel bad. Is it really necessary for this game to be so violent?

After she finished coughing and managed to stand up, Bernkastel growled wordlessly, glaring at all of us with an intense hatred and looking like she was about to explode. Before any confrontation could erupt, Lambdadelta jumped in-between, staggered slightly, and then pushed Bern off to the side where the two held a private conversation in harsh, angry whispers.

Whatever they discussed, it had the effect of calming Bernkastel down. When the two returned, Bern had resumed her stoic mask, simply sitting down and pouring more tea. I thought of a few cruel barbs, insults, or general snark, but decided to hold my tongue. Gloating really is in poor form, after all.

Besides, I'd rather we just get this over with.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Kyon. Let's head back downstairs, alright? The others are probably getting worried."<p>

Yeah, it doesn't look like there's anything else to find here. Damnit. Are we even accomplishing anything here? At the rate we're going, it's going to turn out exactly like before. At least demons haven't started popping out of the woodwork yet.

After double checking everything just one more time, we left and headed back for the entry hall. After a few minutes of walking through the empty corridors, I suddenly wished that I had grabbed a trusty curtain rod earlier. Oh well, I doubt it'll make much of a difference in the long run.

When we made it to the entry hall, everyone was gone. After a split second of panic and worry, we realized that everyone probably just went to go rest somewhere more comfortable. Our first guess was correct, and we found them in the lounge. However, the door was locked.

"Who's there! Honey, is that you?"

As we knocked, the haggard and desperate sounding voice of Natsuhi rang out from the other side. We quickly explained our situation, and she unlocked the door, letting us both in.

There were only three people in the room: Natsuhi, Battler, and Kumasawa. Seriously? Don't tell me everyone is dead already, we've be gone for half an hour at the most! Looking relieved to see us, Battler motioned for us to join him on the couch.

"Hey guys. Glad to see you're alright. Listen, I've got some bad news. "

It's always bad news here, isn't it? Let's just cut straight to the point.

"My dad, Kanon, and Dr. Nanjo are all dead. Everyone else is currently attempting to contact grandfather."

"Hey, hold on. When we went to go find Rosa and Eva earlier, that was your group, wasn't it? Are you saying you saw them get killed?"

"Yeah."

Great. And everyone else is searching for Kinzo, which is a dead end and will probably result in more bodies.

"Well come on! Tell us what happened!"

Haruhi was starting to get irritated and pushy, but there was a tinge of desperation to her voice too. How are we supposed to solve these murders without details of the crime, after all?

"Yeah, yeah, don't worry, I'll tell you. I just… need a drink first, okay?"

Is that really a good idea? Wouldn't it be better if you kept a clear head for all of this? Battler ignored my weak protests, getting up and rummaging through a cabinet on the other side of the room. He came back with a wine bottle in one hand, and a packet of crackers in the other, which he tossed to me. I suppose it's better to eat something, after all.

After a long drink straight from the bottle, Battler straightened up and began to tell his story.

"Alright. So while you guys went to go check for Rosa and Eva, the four of us left to go see if they were in the guesthouse. We didn't notice anything strange outside, but when we actually got there…"

* * *

><p>"Ohohohoho! The plot thickens. I wonder what your friend Battler has to say about this set of murders, hmm? I don't think you'll like it. But rather than listen to a crummy, secondhand story why don't we actually watch what happened!"<p>

Lambdadelta waved her arms around excitedly and the screen changed its image to that of Battler, Rudolf, Kanon, and Dr. Nanjo trudging through the rain towards the guesthouse. What, you're saying we can get different perspectives on this thing too?

"Battler-sama, look!"

As the group of four approached the guesthouse, Kanon was the first to point out what was obviously wrong. Dripping down the door was a painted magic circle, fresh and running in the rain.

"That's impossible, right? Most of us were staying in the guesthouse last night, and when were woken up by all the commotion, this thing definitely wasn't here when we left."

Questioning the mysterious speed-painter, Rudolf cautiously approached the door, gun raised, only to find it locked. It seems Kanon has a master key though, and after unlocking it, Rudolf threw open the door, keeping his gun at the ready. Only the empty guesthouse parlor greeted them.

Come to think of it, didn't we hear something about every servant having a master key at some point? That means since they killed Shannon, the culprit probably took her key and has full access to the mansion.

"Be careful. Since they bothered to mark it with a circle, there's a good chance we'll find Rosa and Eva here, but since it's so fresh, the culprit might still be in here."

Leading the group, Rudolf slowly advanced through the room, checking corners, blind spots. He almost looks like a professional. Maybe he's served on the police force or something in the past, who knows? I never really took the chance to get to know any of the adults.

"Hey, Dad, check this out."

Crouching by the stairs to the second floor, Battler pointed out a small trail of red paint leading up.

"Either the culprit is pretty shitty at carrying a bucket of paint, or this is a trail they want us to follow. Could be a trap. Don't go doing anything stupid, old man."

"Stupid? Me? Well, we'll just have to see about that. It's not so often you get to show off in front of the youngsters."

The group made their way up the stairs, into an empty hallway. The trail of paint continued down the hall, leading to a closed door with an identical magic circle on it.

Damn. There's not a timestamp on this or anything, but if we assume that the killer was holed up in our room until we left, maybe only 30 minutes have passed at this point and time. They must've sprinted over here to paint these circles, along with whatever else is about to happen.

"Great. Another one. Looks like they're really drawing us to one spot, huh? Kanon-kun, your key works here too, right?"

"Yes, Battler-sama. Just give me a second…!"

*FWOOMP*

As Kanon fumbled around for his key, there was a strange sound and a short scream as a circular hole opened up beneath Rudolf and Dr. Nanjo. They fell into darkness before the hole closed up as quickly as it had appeared.

Wait, what the hell?

"Dad!"

Battler's cry was absorbed by the now empty hallway, the two adults having vanished in less than a second. Okay seriously; what? Is there a secret trapdoor in the guesthouse? It didn't really look natural though.

There was a muffled cry and thump from the other side of the door, like the sound of someone falling into the room. Low voices and moans of pain could be just barely be made out.

"Dad! Dr. Nanjo! Is that you back there? … Damnit, hurry up and give me the key!"

"Ow, son of a bitch, that smarts. Battler? Wait, are we in the bedroom? How the hell…"

Okay, fine. There was a pneumatic tube or something that opened up beneath them, sucked them in, and moved them under and around and into the next room.

That's a bit stupid even for this game, isn't it?

As Kanon finally found the right key and handed it to Battler, they both froze at the sound of female laughter from inside the room.

"What! Who the hell are you two?

"Hey, Levi, you can have the fat one, okay"

"Mammon, no fair! You're such a jerk!"

Two unfamiliar female voices sounded from inside the bedroom, followed by gunfire. Great, I think I know where this is going. Battler finally managed to get the door unlocked, and pushed forward with all his might, only to be stopped by the chain lock.

"Damnit! Leviathan, Mammon, don't do this! Not now! Dad, are you alright? Damnit!"

Battler kept slamming into the door, trying to snap the chain lock with sheer force, but it wouldn't budge. More gunshots rang out, followed by giggling and the uncomfortably familiar sound of Stakes ricocheting off of walls.

"Battler-sama, please step back."

Battler moved out of the way as Kanon focused, drawing a blade of energy from his arm, which he used to cut through the chain lock with pinpoint precision.

…

"Okay what the hell! Stop this. I mean, the trap door thing was weird enough, but you're seriously expecting us to believe that he has a freaking _laser blade!"_

Haruhi jumped up and began shouting angrily, which probably would've been my reaction too had I been a little quicker on the draw. Lambdadelta was giggling childishly, while Bernkastel calmly sipped her tea, looking amused.

"Of course he has one. He's pretty high quality furniture, after all. He would've told you if you'd have bothered to ask. Everyone knows about it. Did you guys seriously not talk to poor Kanon-kun at all?"

My objection froze in my as Lambdadelta faked sympathy for Kanon. It was true though. Out of the time spent on the island, I only exchanged a handful of words with him. He was just some surly servant kid, right? I never had much of a chance to get to know most of the Ushiromiya's and their servants. Maybe that was a mistake.

"Suzumiya-san, this is probably just like before, like the fight with Nagato-san."

"Yeah, you're probably right, Koizumi-kun. I suppose this is where we actually try and have to pierce through the illusion, right? So like, in reality, Kanon was just carrying a Katana or something. "

"Aww, you guys are so mean to poor Kanon-kun! He's been a loyal servant of the Ushiromiya family for years now. He was granted his powers by the black magician Kinzo as a reward for his loyalty, and now that he finally gets to put them to use to defending his masters, you guys just laugh at him and say it's all a lie! Don't you guys have any love?"

Lambdadelta stared at us with a pouty face and puppy dog eyes. Yeah, whatever. This isn't over, right? Let's get back to it.

"You guys were the ones that interrupted in the first place. Jerks."

The scene resumed as Kanon's blade cut through the chain, and Battler burst into the broken closed room.

But it was too late. There was a stake buried in the foreheads of both Rudolf and Dr. Nanjo. Fresh blood trickled down their faces, and Rudolf's gun was still smoking.

"Damnit… We're too late. I'm always too late. Who was I kidding? Just because there were outsiders, things would change? Eheheheh…."

"Battler-sama… I'm sorry. This is my fault."

"Now now. Don't go playing the blame game just yet. This twilight isn't over."

With a swirl of golden butterflies, another girl appeared. She looked a lot like Belphegor; but her hair was longer and straight, and she had a much more savage demeanor.

"Lucifer. You're looking as boobie-licious as ever. Look, just go ahead and kill me now, alright? I've had enough."

"Sorry, Battler-sama. But none of us are supposed to hurt you. Beatrice-sama's orders, okay? I'm here to kill little Kanon. Looks like you'll be making the walk back to the mansion all on your own."

As Lucifer began laughing evilly, Kanon crouched into a defensive stance, his energy blade at the ready.

"Don't worry, Battler-sama. I should be able to defeat her. Get out of here while you can. "

"I know that. I've seen you beat her before. But run away? You're kidding, right? You heard her; they're under orders not to hurt me. But as far as I'm concerned, I can hurt them as much as I want."

Grinning, Battler knelt by the corpse of his father, picking up his gun and grabbing some spare bullets from Rudolf's pocket. Reloading the weapon in a practiced motion, he cocked it and leveled on Lucifer.

"I've had an awful lot of time to practice an awful lot of things. So, sis. Think you can take both of us?"

Growing, Lucifer jumped toward Kanon, a blade of energy extending from her arm as well. Good thing Belphegor never used that trick on me. The two clashed, sending up a shower of sparks, followed by a bang as Battler fired at her from the side.

Lucifer immediately became a swirl of butterflies and disappeared, dodging the bullet before reappearing behind Kanon and assaulting him anew. The two danced in an expert display of swordsmanship, parrying and countering with polished precision. Both were able to land small cuts on each other, but nothing serious until Lucifier came at Kanon with a strong attack that left him somewhat off balance.

"Satan, now!"

With a mad cackling and the sound of ricochet, another stake tore through the room and aimed straight at Kanon's unprotected back.

*BANG*

The stake went flying, crashing into the wall and turning into a blood covered girl with white hair. Holy crap, that's an incredible shot. I know firsthand how fast they move. It's one thing to hit a baseball with a bat; it's another to shoot it out of midair with a shotgun.

"Sorry, but your attack patterns are pretty predictable, and I've had a lot of time to memorize those too."

Lucifer just stared for a moment, shocked. Kanon took advantage of the opening and managed to score a shallow cut across her midsection. She was on the defensive now and Kanon was able to press the attack.

"Argh, damnit! Fine! We can't hurt you, but that doesn't mean we have to let you interfere either. Beelzebub, Asmodeus, restrain him! "

Two more sisters appeared on either side of Battler and clamped tightly around his arms. He began to struggle, but couldn't get the gun up into a useful position.

"Argh! Damnit, let me go!"

"Sorry Battler-sama, but this is what our big sister told us to do! It's not so bad, right? I wish I could hold you like this more often, mmm."

"Is that so? Asmodeus, let me make it a bit better for you then."

Much to mine and her surprise, Battler leaned over to Asmodeus and kissed her straight on the lips. Her eyes went wide with shock for a second, but she quickly started blushing then reached up to pull him into a deeper kiss, moaning slightly.

This impromptu romance ended almost as quickly as it had begun. Battler raised his now free gun arm and blew a hole through Asmodeus' chest. As she fell away looking utterly horrified, he managed to spin and rifle-butt Beelzebub off of his other arm, cocking his gun and raising it to support Kanon again.

Damn, that was cold.

He was too late though. Before he could get the gun raised into position there was the ricochet of the final sister, Belphegor, and this time she connected directly with Kanon's back, piercing his lung.

With a final, group cackle, the remaining sisters all vanished, leaving the two alone. Battler dropped his gun, rushing over to Kanon and cradling him in his arms.

"Battler-sama… I'm sorry. *Cough* I should've been prepared for that attack again."

"Hey, don't worry about it. We tried, but it never matters in the end. I'll see you in the golden land, buddy. "

Kanon let out his final breath, soulless eyes staring towards the ceiling. Battler simply closed Kanon's eyes, grabbed the gun, and walked out the door without looking back.

"Ah, that was brilliant. This Battler is so much more fun than the old one. Bern, I think he might just be your greatest masterpiece. I'm just so moved!"

Lambdadelta mockingly dabbed at her eyes with a handful of tissues, sniffling and heaping praise on Bernkastel. The flashback ended, and the screen switched back to the view of us all on the couch.

"You're giving me too much credit, Lambda. All I did was hand a monkey a set of paints and easel. It's bound to create the Mona Lisa eventually, right?"

I leaned back into my chair, and found myself staring up at the ceiling. Where are we supposed to start with this one? Pretty hard to reason out a crime scene just through secondhand knowledge. Hey. Haruhi, go ahead and take this first part, okay?

"What? Kyon, don't tell me you're giving up already?"

Huh? Of course not. I just need a minute to think, that's all.

"Fine. Alright then, this just seems silly, so I'm not even going to waste my time with the blue. So go ahead and tell us there's not some stupid suction based contraption or trap door that pulled them into the room."

"Huh? What are you talking about? Didn't you know? The Ushiroymiya mansion actually has a hidden amusement park in its walls! There are crazy slides, trap doors, rollercoaster and elevators behind every panel! ~"

…

"Just kidding! Yeah, I'll grant your request. **[Red] There are no hidden doors, trap doors, or crazy contraptions located anywhere within the guesthouse. [Red]**I mean, that would be pretty stupid, right? And since your friend isn't around to mess with the game board anymore, you won't be getting any free answers. I guess you're going to have to pursue a different line of reasoning. "

Lambdadelta spun around on one foot, giggling as the logic game began anew. She stumbled mid spin though, grasping for her chest, and for a split second I could see the faint outline of blue that indicated the position of the spears still lodged there.

"Ehehe… Hey Bern, why don't you play with them for awhile? I mean, I've already hogged too much of the fun for myself."

Bernkastel cocked an eyebrow and held Lambdadelta's gaze for a long time, before finally putting her teacup down and turning to face us.

"Very well. If the thought of facing humans again terrifies you so much Lambda, I guess I have no choice but to cover for your incompetence. Well then. Do the rest of you have anything to add, or are you going to give it up already?"

"I was just testing the waters! Don't think we're done yet."

Haruhi met the witch's stare with defiance, but then turned back to me, a frown on her face as she appeared to be in deep thought.

"Where do we start with this, Kyon? I mean, it's obvious what we saw wasn't what really happened. The story was "embellished with magic" or something like that."

Yeah. But even if we don't have much to start with, we have to narrow it down with the red, right? Hey, how many entrances or exits does the room have?

"**[Red] There is one door. The door was locked and sealed with a chain lock, until Kanon cut through the chain. There are two windows. [Red]"**

Yeah, that sounds about right. I remember spending some time in the guesthouse, that room was a simple bedroom with a bunch of small beds. There weren't any adjoining rooms or bathrooms in it, like the one Haruhi and I stayed in.

"Hmm. Perhaps we should look at this metaphorically? Rather than presuming that Rudolf and Nanjo got sucked into a trap hole, think of it like this. What we saw can be considered a representation of them entering the room somehow before Battler could get there, possibly out of sight."

Hey… Koizumi, that's a good point. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught the slightest glimpse of irritation flicker across Lambdadelta's face. Perfect, we must be on the right track.

"You might be onto something, Koizumi-kun, but… She already said the door was locked, right? So how could they have gotten in?"

Hold on Haruhi, we're supposed to look at the red truth carefully, remember? The truth we were given was missing something, think about it for a second.

"Huh? Don't patronize me, Kyon! If you know the answer just say it! Wait, missing something… that's right, she didn't say when the door was locked! It was missing the time!"

Watching the light bulb go off in Haruhi's eyes was worth feeling like Koizumi for a second there. Maybe that's why he's always so roundabout? Eh, either way it still pisses me off.

"So then, Suzumiya-san, it would be something like this: Rudolf and Dr. Nanjo run ahead of Battler and Kanon, get into the room first. The killer is waiting for them, closes and locks the door behind them, and manages to finish them off somehow."

Considering how familiar Rudolf looked with that gun, it'd have to be someone pretty good to get the jump on him. Still, it's definitely believable.

"Alright, we'll go with that then! Our first move: _**[Blue] Nanjo and Rudolf entered the bedroom before Battler and Kanon. The door was then locked behind them, and they were murdered! [Blue]"**_

Haruhi made her declaration, bold and triumphant. But it didn't look like Bernkastel was going to make this easy for us.

"I should really be more specific with the red, shouldn't I? Otherwise you'll just head completely in the wrong direction. Well, I suppose that's a good thing, in my case. **[Red] When the four of them found the door, it was already locked. [Red]"**

Well, it wasn't going to be that simple. Still, we're not quite back where we started. If we look at it from this angle, then—Hey, Haruhi?

"I'm not done yet! _**[Blue] The scene where Dr. Nanjo and Rudolf entered in the room first was a lie! All of them broke into the closed room at the same time, and then the three were killed while Battler was left alive! [Blue]"**_

Looks like Haruhi is on a roll. She's really starting to get the hang of this.

"**[Red] At the time of the crime, Rudolf and Dr. Nanjo were inside of the bedroom. At the time of the crime, the door was sealed. "Sealed" refers to the door being locked while the chain is set. The seal on the door was only broken after the crime was committed. [Red]"**

At a loss for words, Haruhi fell back into her seat. Damnit, how the hell? They got inside, got murdered, all with the door still being sealed? I mean, we've already ruled out hidden doors, right?

"Suzumiya-san, it just occurred to me. We haven't received any red regarding the windows yet, have we?"

At Koizumi's comment, I saw another emotion flicker across Lambdadelta's face. Was that fear? I can't believe it was something that easy. We've got them cornered now.

I opened my mouth to let the truth fly, but Lambdadelta stopped me before I could even get out the first word.

"**[Red] The windows are closed and locked! The windows cannot be unlocked from the outside! [Red]"**

Damn. Well, I guess that was still too easy, right? But wait. What was with that look I saw? And there was almost a tinge of desperation in Lambdadelta's voice when she gave her truth. Bernkastel was glaring at Lambda now, who looked somewhat nervous. Yeah, we definitely missed something here.

It looks like Haruhi saw through it faster than I did. She stood back up triumphantly, a wide grin splitting her face in two.

"That's it! You know, I've realized something. Every time you give out another red truth, you're just digging yourself a deeper grave! _**[Blue] The four approached the room and found it locked! Not having the means to break the lock, Rudolf and Dr. Nanjo went outside, procured a ladder, and went in through the second story window! The window remained locked because they simply broke it! Once inside, the culprit was waiting there, and finished them both off! Battler and Kanon found a tool to break the seal with, and then the culprit killed Kanon and left Battler alive! [Blue]"**_

A little roundabout, but a solid answer. Haruhi's truth flashed up as a spear from the heavens, which crashed downwards directly towards Bernkastel's heart. This time, she had no red with which to stop it.

However, the attack meant for Bernkastel was intercepted by Lambdadelta, who jumped in front of the projectile and allowed it to pierce her chest. She collapsed to the ground on all fours, breathing heavily as blood dropped from new and old wounds.

"Eheh…. You guys are good. Blue… Blue truth effective. Too good. You guys are real winners; where the hell did you come from anyways? Still, no matter what, I can't let you hurt my lovely Bern."

My brief elation at our victory was muted by the pathetic state of our opponent. Damnit, is this really necessary? Bernkastel just stared at Lambdadelta with seemingly no care for the sacrifice she had just made on her behalf.

"Lambda… This is starting to get boring. I think we'll end the game after the next one. You can have one last chance to stump them with a closed room, so it'd better be a good one, okay?"

"Yeah… Sure. No problem. It'll put all the others to shame. A truly elegant and lovely closed room for the grand finale."

So the end is in sight, huh? Just one more and we can win and go home. I've been saying a lot of hopeful stuff to try and stay positive, but it actually looks like we're going to win here. Still, this really is a brutal game. Haruhi's smile had faded, and was replaced with a distasteful grimace.

"Kyon… We're going to see this through to the end, okay? No matter what."

Even as Lambdadelta slowly pulled herself back into chair I nodded in agreement. We'll do whatever we have to. The witches are the ones who made the rules for this stupid game anyways, right?

"Let's get back to it then, shall we?

* * *

><p>"So. That's what happened."<p>

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Even the part with the laser blades?"

Battler let out a long sigh as we reached the end of his story. The bottle was almost halfway gone by now.

"Look, I said it before, didn't I? This island is full of illusions, and I can't see through them. You don't have to believe me if you don't want. I don't care anymore."

I can accept that, considering what I've seen. Haruhi looks skeptical, but seeing the state Battler is in, it looks like she won't be raising any further protests. All seven sisters at once, huh? Why did they leave you alive?

"Beats me. So I could come back and tell you what happened, maybe? They're not that bad once you get to know them. Aside from the killing part."

Good grief.

I buried my face in my hands again. What the hell were we supposed to do? It really seems like there's nothing but magic and murder on this island.

"Kyon… The others aren't back yet…"

Yeah, I've noticed. It's been about half an hour since Battler started his story, and they were gone before that. So they're probably all dead too, right?

"Hey."

I felt a hand on my shoulder. Looking up, I was surprised to find it was Battler. He had a strange look in his eyes, a sort of determination mixed with pity.

"Look. I think I might have a plan, something that might get us all out of this."

"Huh? What is it? If you know something, spit it out!"

"I can't, alright? You'll have to take my word for it. All I want is for you to wait, and to trust me."

Trust you, huh? You were a pathetic drunken mess the other day, and now you're going to save everyone?

"No. Maybe. I don't know. There's something I want to try, and it's only something that works because you're here. Will you trust me?"

…

Fine, why not? I'm not really seeing any other possibilities here. What else do we have to lose?

"Kyon… I don't like this."

Neither do I, Haruhi.

"So, Battler. What now?"

Battler took another long drink from the bottle, before leaning back in his seat.

"Like I said before."

"We wait."


	6. Chapter 5: Checkmate

Time passed. About an hour. Battler polished off the bottle, Haruhi and I ate all the crackers, as well as a few other miscellaneous food items that happened to be in the lounge. Every minute passed by with an agonizing silence, filled with introspection.

I watched Natsuhi become increasingly restless and impatient. She's already had to suffer through the death of her daughter, and every minute the rest of the adults didn't return meant it was increasingly likely that her husband was dead as well. I felt like I should do something. Go to her. Say something. Anything. But all I could do was sit and watch.

Sometime slightly after an hour passed, our silent reverie was interrupted by a knock at the door. Maybe my pessimism was unjustified?

"Who's there? Sweetheart?"

Natusuhi called out for an answer, gun raised towards the door. When nobody answered, all of us got up, expecting trouble. Didn't we see a scenario similar to this last time?

"Who's there! Answer me!"

Natsuhi called out several more times, but there was still no response. She finally turned to us.

"Battler-kun, could you open the door for me? I'll cover you."

Although Natsuhi was clearly erring on the side of caution, Battler didn't seem particularly worried at all. He walked up to the door, unlocked it, and opened it without breaking stride. Natsuhi was slightly flustered by his haste, but recovered quickly when she saw what was on the other side.

It was a letter, embroidered in gold leaf and sealed with the Ushiromiya family crest. Just like the one we saw last time. Whoever placed it there and knocked seemed to be long gone.

Natsuhi reached down carefully to pick the letter up, her hands trembling. She broke the seal, opened it, and with just a quick glance her eyes widened in horror and she screamed, rushing out of the room with her gun in hand.

Ah crap.

Battler picked up the letter Natsuhi had dropped, glancing over it himself before passing it to me. I held it so Haruhi could see, and read the short blurb that was written specifically for Natsuhi's sake.

"I have a new work of art on display outside. I think you'd like it. I call it 'Father and Daughter'. "

Beatrice the Golden

I listlessly let the paper fall from my hands. So here we go again, right? Time to step into another horrible nightmare.

"We… We should probably go after her, shouldn't we?"

Haruhi spoke up, in a soft voice that felt both apprehensive and tired. I nodded wordlessly in agreement. I'm already starting to feel numb to the whole prospect of the murder and death. Is that a good, or a bad thing?

The three of us made our way outside, following Natsuhi and leaving the bewildered Kumasawa behind. As we walked towards whatever impending horror was surely waiting for us, I couldn't help but think. Right now, the thing I want most in the world is to wake up, safe in my own bed underneath the covers, and then just stay there for a week.

…

Huh. That is… something, alright.

Our sojourn lead us out and around to the backside of the mansion. It wasn't hard to figure out which way Natsuhi went, because her screams of grief carried over the howling storm. Once we caught up, it was easy to see what had her so upset.

High up on the wall of the mansion, somewhere around the third story, was a scene reminiscent of our first brush with death on this island. Krauss was pinned up there, but not crucified. Instead he was dismembered, his body parts pinned to the wall in an arrangement similar to that of Da Vinci's Vitruvian Man. Completing the effect, there was an additional set of limbs pinned up there as well. I couldn't really make them out from this distance and through the storm, but I think it would be safe to assume that they once belonged to Jessica.

I felt my meager breakfast trying to escape my stomach again, but managed to fight it back down. This is pretty gruesome, but considering everything I've already seen… Not to mention I was expecting it now.

What bothered me more were the wails of grief coming from Natsuhi. If I'm forced to live through this a thousand more times, I don't think I'll ever get used to the sound of absolute despair coming from someone who's lost everything in the world that's important to them.

"Hey, Kyon…"

Haruhi's voice was weak, and she swallowed audibly, trying to reign in whatever disgust she was feeling at all of this. After a moment's pause she continued.

"This is… almost like before, right? But it's even higher and storming like this… How do you think they got… him up there?"

Yeah. It must've been a ladder, right? Although it would have to be been a pretty tall one, and incredibly dangerous to boot. Hey, Battler, is there a ladder on the island that could reach that high?

"Huh? Oh, a ladder? Yeah, there's one in the shed that should reach just high enough. The shed is always kept locked though."

Eh, so what. The culprit probably just has the key, right? There's nothing we can even solve here.

* * *

><p>"Aww, poor you! The you on the game board that is. Insignificant little pieces don't get the benefit of the red truth, so they never have a chance of solving it. Of course, you don't really have a chance either. As the Witch of Certainty, I'll even declare it. 'You have no hope of solving these closed rooms!' "<p>

Lambdadelta giggled and taunted us, but her voice was still strained, and her bold declarations somehow lacked the bite they once had. No hope? As if. Sorry, but I'm not going to let anything stand in my way anymore.

"And… that's time! This is it folks, the end of the game. We'll be stopping here, so there's just one final challenge. That means this is all or nothing. We're both putting everything on the line here, betting it all on my final closed room! I hope you're happy Bern, because this one truly is a masterpiece. "

Lambdadelta pulled out a comically oversized stopwatch from her pocket, hitting the button. When she did, it felt like something changed around me, though I really couldn't tell if anything had. So this is it. Everything we've been through up until now, it all comes down to this.

I'm ready.

I could feel the adrenaline rushing through my veins. It's weird, but I think I'm almost looking forward to this. Is it the fight I'm looking forward to, or just the prospect of victory?

Maybe both.

"Haruhi."

As I spoke her name, Haruhi turned to me and flashed me a smile. It was a smile filled with confidence and vigor, and I could see my own fires of adrenaline reflected in her eyes.

"Let's win this, Kyon."'

We will, Haruhi. I turned to Lambdadelta, and made the first move.

"Yeah, you're going to have to make the opening here. As it currently appears, this isn't a closed room at all."

Okay, so technically it was more of a defensive move. Regardless of how good I feel about this, I'm not stupid enough to get headstrong and overconfident.

"Yeah, sure? We need a starting point, right? Otherwise it's just a corpse on the wall! Well, pieces of a corpse at least. Nothing mysterious about that at all. But how did the culprit get them up there, hmm? **[Red] All of the ladders are kept in the shed! There is only one key to the shed. The key is kept in a box in the servant's room. [Red**] And here's the kicker! **[Red] The shed-key has not been handled by any human! [Red]** By the way: This means your earlier theory about them reaching the second floor window of the guesthouse with a ladder has been closed off as well!"

So there's the start. And it looks like our earlier solution has been called into question as well. I saw the spear in Lambda's chest which represented that truth flicker and fade. All we have to do is get past the lock without using the key, huh? Child's play!

"_**[Blue] The culprit picked the lock! [Blue]"**_

"**[Red] The lock cannot be picked! [Red]"**

You know, just once it'd be nice if my first guess was right. This is just like the chain lock from before, huh? An arbitrary rule to prevent an easy solution. Hey, Haruhi, any thoughts?

"Come on Kyon; hit her with everything you've got! It's just a flimsy shed we're talking about; blow it to pieces!"

Yeah, that's right. There should be a hundred ways to get into something like this without using the door. I took a deep breath, and then unleashed my storm of theories.

"_**[Blue] The culprit used a different door! **_

_**The culprit entered through a window! **_

_**The culprit used a hidden door!**_

_**The culprit broke the lock! **_

_**The culprit kicked down the door! **_

_**The culprit broke a hole in the wall! **_

_**The culprit broke a hole in the ceiling! **_

_**The culprit tunneled under the ground! **_

_**The culprit destroyed the entire shed with a bomb, and picked up the ladders from the rubble! [Blue]"**_

"Nope! Sorry, you're totally wrong!

**[Red] There is only one door!**

**There are no windows!**

**There are no hidden doors!**

**The lock and door are still intact!**

**The walls and ceiling are still intact!**

**There aren't any tunnels – That's just stupid!**

**The entire shed is still intact.**

**THE ONLY WAY TO ENTER IS THROUGH THE DOOR! [Red]"**

Lambdadelta met every truth I proposed and cut it down almost immediately after it left my mouth, a sort of feral ferocity in her eyes. Although the exchange was flashy, Lambda's final declaration would've stopped me short from the start. Is she just stringing me along for fun, or did I have to push her into that corner? Damn.

"Kyon… It looks like the shed is totally impenetrable. We have to look at this a different way then, right?"

Seriously, is this shed actually a bunker or something? Who would think it takes so much effort just to go and get a ladder?

"Maybe this display wasn't actually created with a ladder after all. Even if it's dangerous, there's more than one way to get something up that high."

Koizumi offered us yet another perspective to look at this problem with. Yeah, I can see that. Koizumi's admission got no reaction from either Lambdadelta or Bernkastel, but it's possible they're just managing their poker faces better too.

"Hey yeah, thanks Koizumi-kun! You really are great at this. Let's see, something other than a ladder… Oh! Something like this! _**[Blue] They rappelled off the roof, hanging while placing the bodies! [Blue]"**_

"Ooh, so the culprit is a ninja now? Too bad, you're going to have to think farther outside of the box than that! **[Red] The mansion has no roof access! [Red]**"

Haruhi took her first shot, but it didn't last long. An odd way of wording things, but without roof access, you'd pretty much need a ladder to get up there anyways, so back to square one. There weren't even any windows near where the body was.

"Hmm. What about something like a grappling hook? Could that work?"

Well, I suppose it's technically possible. But I don't think they work as well in real life as they do in fiction. And I doubt the culprit is actually Batman or something.

"Hey Kyon, don't just dismiss me like that! Come on, don't you remember what happened earlier? What happens on the game board doesn't have to be realistic, so even grappling hooks could work, right? Come on, think of some other ways you can climb a wall!"

Other ways to climb a wall, huh? I took a moment to look around the room as I thought. Lambdadelta was tapping her foot impatiently, while Bernkastel didn't even seem to be paying attention. I guess our life and death struggle isn't that interesting, huh? Looking behind me, Asahina-san was still with us, although she had been pretty quiet for awhile now. She seemed to be deep in thought, but when she caught me staring at her she gave me a cute little smile that seemed to say 'You can do it!'. Thanks.

"Hey, Haruhi. I don't think we actually need to be so specific. All we really have to say is that it was done by something other than a ladder. Like this."

I turned to Lambdadelta, who was looking at me skeptically, and delivered my new hypothesis.

"_**[Blue] The corpses got up onto the wall by Unknown Method X! Whether it was by grappling hook, climbing pitons, a jetpack, or any other method, it doesn't matter! All that matters is that it wasn't created by using a ladder, which shatters your closed room! [Blue]"**_

Lambdadelta's mouth hung open with astonishment for a few moments, before bursting out with laughter. Well, I tried.

"Ahahaha! Are you freaking kidding me? Jetpacks? Wow, I know I said think outside of the box, but isn't that a bit much? What if I countered back with something like 'All Jetpacks are kept in the shed!' Bwhahaha! But seriously, not bad. Good use of the Devil's proof there, you've forced my hand. **[Red] This display could only have been created with a ladder! [Red] **Happy now? You're still nowhere close to solving this one though. Ready to give up yet?"

Crap! We can't break through the shed, and it was definitely created with a ladder. Is there any other way to look at this? Koizumi, Haruhi, do you have anything?"

"Sorry Kyon… I'm not really sure…"

"I can think of one more thing. There was something suspicious about something she said in the beginning. '**[Red] The shed-key has not been handled by any human! [Red]'.** It's worded oddly, and there might be a loophole there."

I see. Thanks Koizumi. I should've noticed that myself. Let's see… 'Handled by any human.' Does that mean it's possible for something other than a human to use the key? But what else could even do that?

"An animal? A robot? A witch? I'm not sure if this is really what we should be looking for, Kyon. I think we're missing something here…"

I know, Haruhi. Still, it can't hurt to try every option, right? Remember what you said? Every time they use the red truth it narrows down the possible answer. We only lose if we can't figure it out despite that.

"_**[Blue] The key was used to unlock the door with Unknown Method X! Maybe it was a trained animal, or some sort of primitive robot! Anything that allows the truth of 'handled by a human' to be worked around! [Blue]"**_

I didn't think this would work, but it's still narrowing down the options, right? Being vague might not get us any answers, but it prevents Lambdadelta from simply shooting down one option with 'There are no trained animals!' and instead forces her to defend against the entire concept.

"Wow, have you been taking lessons from Battler behind my back? It's kind of starting to piss me off. Fine, have it your way. **[Red] The key has not left its box! [Red]" **

There. That was the confirmation I wanted, I'm still at a loss for where to go from here. Wait, hold on a second! How could the door have gotten locked in the first place? You can't just say the key has never been touched! What's the time frame on that truth?

"Oops, I'm sorry. Did I leave that part out? I guess I should've been a little more clear, my bad. **[Red] The key has not left its box since the start of the game. [Red] **It's simple, really. When we create the game board doors can start out locked or unlocked as we please. All that matters is what happens afterwards. How the culprit got in and retrieved the ladder, okay?"

Damnit! Every time I think I see an opening, she closes it almost instantly! There has to be an answer here, right? There's something we're missing. Anything? Haruhi, Koizumi, I'm running out of ideas here!

"Kyon… I can't think of anything else…"

Koizumi just looked at me and shook his head, a pained grimace on his face.

"Ahahaha! Don't tell me you guys are giving up already? Sorry, but this is it! You can't just postpone your question till later when there's more evidence, or you think of something better. This is the end of the game, and you have to answer NOW! Oh well. It was fun playing with you, y'know? Hey Bern, once these guys are our pieces, what should we do first, hmm? Ooh, I know. Pirates! ~ "

Damnit, damnit! This can't be it. There's no way we could've come this far just to lose now. There has to been an answer! We've managed to every closed room we've come across so far, we can definitely solve this one.

But what's the answer? The lock can't be picked; the shed can't be bypassed in any way but the door. The corpse can't be put up there without using anything but a ladder. And the key might as well not exist, because the culprit got through the door somehow without using it.

But that's impossible, right? Is it really magic? I mean, Nagato could do it. So could Asahina-san, with the TPDD. But if we include crazy technology like that doesn't the story lose all credibility as a mystery? No, it has to be something a normal human could do. But how?

I have to be missing something here. Something in the truths I was given, it's leading me to make a wrong assumption. Is there a loophole I can slip through regarding the structure of the shed? The use of the ladder? The key? Those red truths seem pretty solid, but I have to keep trying, look for even the smallest opening!

The witch's laughter kept on coming, tortuously mocking my floundering logic. Damnit. I looked over to Haruhi and Koizumi again, and they seemed to be going through their own internal struggles as well. Is there a chance they can see what I can't? No, I can't just give up on the off chance they might come up with the answer. No matter what, I can't stop thinking.

Everything is at stake here. My life and Haruhi's is riding on the answer to this one single problem. Not just our lives, but our futures as well. An eternity spent serving those two witches in whatever sick games they like to play? Count me out, I'd rather die. But I don't even have that option. We were forced into this game against our will, forced to gamble our lives just for the chance that they'd show us mercy and let us escape from the situation they put us in to begin with.

Was this their plan from the beginning? To string us along with supposed victories, only to make the game unwinnable in the end? Considering what I've seen from them so far, it's hard to put anything past them.

No, stop. Thinking like that is the same as giving up. Even if it seems backwards, I have to trust that Bernkastel and Lambdadelta are playing by the rules. This game can be won, and it has an answer.

But what is it? I keep looking at the red truths given, and they're all solid. All perfect. So why does it feel like I'm still missing something? I have to be making some kind of assumption, right? I have the wrong impression about something that was said, or something that wasn't said.

Wait, hold on. Throughout all of this, there's been one important element of the puzzle that was never stated in red! That's it, it's the answer. It has to be! This is the truth! Something this simple, but there's a perfect elegance in it as well. I'm impressed.

I stood up, a grin on my face. I could feel the glimmering blue spark of truth in my hand, and it felt warm. Yeah, this was definitely it. There's no doubt about it. Sorry, but this is Checkmate!

By the way, if you managed to figure this entire puzzle out without the need for an extensive inner monologue, well than congratulations Mr. Genius. Next time why don't you come here and do my job for me?

"_**[Blue] The door was never locked in the first place! [Blue]"**_

A simple, easy, and elegant answer. Lambdadelta's face was one of absolute shock as my truth came crashing down, spearing her yet again. Bernkastel scoffed, turning away as Lambda fell to the ground.

"Kyon, you did it! I can't believe it; that was amazing!"

"This game really is devious, don't you think? It's as much about the red and the blue as it is about challenging your assumptions of the scene. Looks like we really couldn't take anything for granted. I'm glad you were able to reach this answer, of course."

Yeah. They say victory is sweet, but my elation was already dampening at the pathetic sight of the girl in front of me, crawling on all fours and vomiting up blood.

"*Cough* B-blue truth effective. I can't believe it. You actually figured it out. After everything I put into that closed room… I'm sorry Bern. I tried my best, you gotta believe me. These guys really are amazing…"

Bernkastel didn't even reply, coldly staring in the other direction and purposefully ignoring her suffering friend. Whatever. Look, that was it, right? We've won, so let us all go home.

"Y-yeah. *Cough* You guys can go home. There's just one more thing you have to do. Finish the job. Say 'And therefore, witches do not exist' in blue, and finish me off."

Hold on. You are a witch, aren't you? Saying something like that would actually kill you.

"Of course it would. What kind of game did you think we were playing? *Cough* The games we play really are terrible things. One of us had to put their own life on the line for something like this. Normally we're just very good and never lose, that's all. And of course, I'd never let my precious Bern risk herself."

My heart felt heavy at the thought of the final task put before me. Even if she's evil, considering everything she's done; this doesn't feel remotely right.

"Kyon… Do we really have to? I mean, can't we just leave? There's another way, isn't there?"

"Sure there's a way. You could surrender and be our pieces. Or we could stay here and play these games, over and over again! There's still a few closed room tricks up my sleeve, I just don't have time for them all. *Cough*"

Sorry, but neither of those are acceptable options. So what, that's it then? The only way to get free is to kill you?

"Those are the rules of the game. Come on, what happened to all your passion? I thought you weren't going to let anything stand in your way. Are you really going to balk at something like this?"

I… No. I'll see this through to the end, no matter what. I don't have to like it, but I'll do it. I'll end this once and for all.

"Kyon… We'll do it together, okay? We came in this together; we'll get out of this together. And I'll be damned I let you sit and wallow with a guilty conscience alone."

Yeah. We'll finish this together. I took Haruhi's hand with my own, and together we raised them high, ready to deliver the final blow. Lambdadelta looked up at us, tears running down her cheeks, but with a somewhat peaceful smile.

"Hey… Guys. I know I've been pretty mean to you this whole time, but... Well, I won't apologize, but in the end it was kind of fun, right?"

Fun? This horrible game of truth, lies, life and death. I can't agree with your methods, or your attitude, or the way you carried everything out, or what you put us through. But in another setting, another place, I'll admit that it could be pretty fun.

I turned to Haruhi and she met my gaze. We both nodded wordlessly, and spoke together.

"" _**[Blue] And therefore, witches do not exist. [Blue] ""**_

The truth came crashing down from the ceiling, a massive blade like a guillotine aimed straight for Lambdadelta's neck. As gruesome as this was going to be, I forced myself to look and not turn away.

…

The blade stopped, almost touching her skin, but not even drawing a line of blood.

…

Huh? What was this? The blade just hung there for several seconds, and the entire room was engulfed with a still silence. Was this an act of mercy? Could Haruhi not go through with it, and held back? I turned to look at her, and the same question was echoed on her face.

What's going on? More seconds passed, the blade still hanging there, frozen. Nobody moved, nobody even breathed. Lambda just held still, crouched on all fours, blood still slowly dripping from her midsection.

…

Lambdadelta's expression changed.

A sinister smile slowly crept onto her face.

…

Oh shi—

"**[Red] **

**In regards to the murders of Shannon, Jessica, George, and Maria: **

**Nobody existed in the room before the six of you entered it! **

**The 'six of you' refers to Kyon, Haruhi, Shannon, Jessica, George, and Maria!**

**Nobody else entered or exited the room until the next day when you left the room!**

**No corpses are fake!**

**Maria is dead!**

**Shannon is dead!**

**George is dead!**

**Jessica is dead!**

**All deaths are homicides! **

**No deaths are suicides!**

**There are no traps or methods of remote killing!**

**Every death was deliberate murder, performed up close and by hand!**

**...  
><strong>

**In regards to the murders of Eva and Rosa:**

**The culprit had NO KNOWLEDGE of the hidden door, and did not use it in any way whatsoever!**

**The culprit entered through the main door, killing Eva and Rosa by hand!**

**The culprit did not leave the room.**

**When you discovered the crime scene, nobody else existed in the room.**

**...  
><strong>

**In regards to the murders of Kanon, Dr. Nanjo, and Rudolf:**

**When Dr. Nanjo and Rudolf entered the bedroom, nobody else existed inside of the room, and no person besides Battler and Kanon followed after them! **

**When Battler and Kanon entered the bedroom, nobody else followed them!**

**In short: Only Kanon, Battler, Dr. Nanjo, and Rudolf entered the bedroom.**

**Dr. Nanjo was killed in the bedroom.**

**This murder was up close and personal, performed by hand.**

**Battler did not kill Dr. Nanjo.**

**Rudolf did not kill Dr. Nanjo.**

**Kanon did not kill Dr. Nanjo.**

**Dr. Nanjo did not kill himself.**

**There were no accidents or traps.**

**Dr. Nanjo is dead.**

**Rudolf is dead.**

**Kanon is dead.**

**AHAHA AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA**

**AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA**

**AHAHA AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA** **AHAHA**

**YOU LOSE**

**GAME OVER**

****CHECKMATE****

**[Red]"**

Impossible. This is impossible, right? There was a massive explosion of red, and all but one of the blue spears still imbedded in Lambdadelta disintegrated, the wounds closing up behind them. The force of the truth blasted both Haruhi and I across the room, and we crashed painfully into the opposite wall.

"Oh man, that was perfect! I've been holding onto your pathetic blue for so long just for that moment! Aahaha! That kind of hurt you know. And hey, you really did get the last one right. Congratulations. One out of four isn't that terrible, right? Aahahahaha!"

There's no way any of that can be true. You're cheating; you're lying with the red!

"**[Red] THE RED TRUTH ONLY TELLS THE TRUTH! [Red]"**

This is impossible! Thick red chains sprung up from the ground, wrapping around my arms, legs, and neck and shackling me to the wall tightly. From across the room, Asahina-san and Koizumi looked back at us, a strangely sad look in their eyes before they shimmered and faded into tiny motes of light.

The chain around my neck tightened further, and it was becoming difficult to breathe. To my left, I could see Haruhi was in the same predicament. Damnit. That bitch was stringing us along the entire time. I can't believe I fell for it so hard. Did they even lose on purpose to Nagato, just to build up a false sense of hope?

The raucous laughter of both witches echoed across the room, any semblance of their act broken as they rolled around giggling, snorting, guffawing, and otherwise acting without any dignity whatsoever. So this is the truth, huh? This game was just rigged from the start; an elaborate method of torture.

"Hey… Kyon…"

Haruhi's voiced was strained, the chain digging into her neck, but she turned towards me, an odd smile on her face as tears ran down her cheeks.

"We tried our best, right? We gave it everything we had."

But it wasn't enough, Haruhi. We lost. The SOS Brigade isn't supposed to lose.

"Yeah. Guess this is it for us. Maybe it won't be so bad. We'll still be together, right?"

An eternity as the plaything of witches? I suppose it'd be okay if I'm with you. Who knows. They're not familiar with Haruhi's power, we might get a chance to escape. Ah crap. Can't breathe anymore. Vision is going dark.

"Hey, Kyon, I—"

Haruhi's final words to me were lost as I fell unconsciousness.

* * *

><p>I sat in the mud, umbrella forgotten as the storm soaked me to the bone. This is all useless. Natsuhi continued to wail with heartbroken grief, and I just let it sink into me, wallowing in her sorrow and my own self pity. We can't solve anything here. What's the point anyways? Battler has been here for years, and has never found a way out. What makes me think I'm so special that I could see what he hasn't?<p>

"It's time."

Huh? Battler uttered those two words, but they didn't really seem to be in relation to anything that was happening. He had been staring off into the sky for awhile now, seemingly at nothing in particular.

"Come on, follow me."

Battler started walking away from the gruesome display, without looking back. Hey, come on, are you going to tell us what's up?

"You'll see soon enough. Hurry."

Is explaining that hard? Whatever. I looked towards Haruhi and we both shrugged, jogging to catch up with Battler and leaving Natsuhi behind.

Although we kept pestering him for answers, Battler just kept blowing us off as he lead us towards the chapel, and around to the back. The secret door was already open, and he led us back down the stairs, to the hidden pile of gold.

…

There was someone else in the room.

It was a girl. I recognized her, even though I'd never seen her before. She was blond; her hair was done up in bun, and she was wearing an elaborate black dress. This was the witch of the portrait, Beatrice.

What the hell?

She had been sitting on the bed when we entered the room, but stood up, a girlish smile on her face as she caught a sight of Battler. Her expression quickly switched to a nervous apprehension when she saw me and Haruhi.

"It's okay, Beato. They're with me."

Battler walked over to the girl, embracing her softly and planting a light kiss on her lips.

"Don't worry, it'll all be over soon."

Okay, seriously. What the hell is going on here? Who is this person? Have you known about her the entire time? Why didn't you tell us earlier?

"It's simple really. Kyon, Haruhi, this is the culprit. The golden witch Beatrice."

For such a stunning admission, she didn't really look the part. Even with a grand and regal title, she just looked like a shy girl, in a dress too big for her, in a situation beyond her control. Something else about her seemed familiar as well, but I couldn't place it.

"T-the culprit? But how? Why do you know that?"

Haruhi's question came as somewhat of a strangled cry. My own mouth was incredibly dry, and none of my thoughts seemed to want to form into words.

"Probably because I helped her do it. I guess you could call me an accomplice."

…

I'm not really sure how I should react to that. Should I feel angry? Betrayed? Hurt? Should I grab the nearest weapon and start swinging? How can this feeble looking girl kill so many people in such gruesome ways? How could you help her do it?

"A piece can only act as directed."

What? That doesn't even make sense. Battler let 'Beatrice' go, and made his way to the other side of the room, past the pile of gold and towards a clock sitting on the table. He pulled a screwdriver out of his pocket, and began prying at something on the back of it.

"So what. You're the villain than? Why are you telling us this? Do you just want to gloat or something? Or do you want to kill us down here yourself! Explain this!"

Tears were starting to form in Haruhi's eyes, and she choked back a sob. I just felt… hollow. Like I'd been kicked in the gut. My knees felt weak, and I slid down to the floor, burying my face in my hands. What does it matter anymore?

"Do you remember when I asked you to trust me?"

"Yeah! So what, that supposed to be some kind of sick joke? What kind of freak are you?"

Haruhi was getting angry and shouting. Any minute and she'd likely get violent. At least one of us is reacting in a reasonable way to this. My limbs feel like pudding, and I don't particularly feel like getting up. The girl, 'Beatrice' was shrinking away from Haruhi's outburst, looking scared and nervous. Seriously, this doesn't make any sense.

"I wasn't joking. I meant it. I need you to trust me. I'm telling you this, showing you this, because I trust the both of you. This game isn't over yet, and we all still have a chance. A real chance."

… Huh? What are you saying? You tell us you're the culprit, or the accomplice or whatever. But you still expect us to trust you? You've been lying to us this entire time, haven't you?

Battler barked a short, bitter laugh.

"It's kind of hard to explain. You'll see soon enough. Everything will be clear once we get to the golden land. Just hang on a little bit longer, okay?"

Whatever Battler was doing to the clock, he must've finished. There was a short *click*, a zapping sound of electricity, then a rushing roar as everything went white.

* * *

><p>Sleep well, Kyon and Haruhi.<p>

Your journey will soon take you to the golden land.

Betrayal cuts deeper than any knife.

A game played and a game lost.

Without love, it cannot be seen.

There is no love in the game of witches.

Everyone on the island is dead.

**When the Seagulls cry, there are no survivors. **

* * *

><p>Results of the second game:<p>

Ushiromiya Jessica  
>Died at the first twilight.<br>Dismembered. Her corpse makes a macabre display to make even the hardiest sick.

Ushiromiya George  
>Died at the first twilight.<br>Dismembered. Bits and pieces strewn around. All were lost and none were found.

Ushiromiya Maria  
>Died at the first twilight.<br>Dismembered. Bits and pieces strewn around. All were lost and none were found.

Servant Shannon  
>Died at the first twilight.<br>Dismembered. Bits and pieces strewn around. All were lost and none were found.

Ushiromiya Rosa  
>Died at the first twilight.<br>Murdered alongside her sister, the solution to the epitaph still caught in her throat.

Ushiromiya Eva  
>Died at the first twilight.<br>Murdered alongside her sister, the solution to the epitaph still caught in her throat.

Doctor Nanjo  
>Died at the second twilight.<br>Pierced through the head by the "Stake of Leviathan ". Pulled into a room where only death awaits. Trials of red create a room which no mortal can escape.

Ushiromiya Rudolf  
>Died at the second twilight.<br>Pierced through the head by the "Stake of Mammon". Pulled into a room where only death awaits. Although his path seemed clear, he was betrayed by someone he loves.

Servant Kanon  
>Died at the fourth twilight. Chest gouged by the "Stake Belphegor". Although he fought valiantly, there is no hope versus the minions of the golden witch.<p>

Ushiromiya Krauss  
>Died at the fifth twilight.<br>The father and daughter make quite a pair. It's perhaps the witch's greatest work yet.

Ushiromiya Kyrie  
>Died at the sixth twilight.<br>Although her path seemed clear, she was betrayed by someone she despised.

Servant Genji  
>Died at the seventh twilight.<br>Left with the others to search for those missing. He was never seen again.

Servant Gohda  
>Died at the eighth twilight.<br>Left with the others to search for those missing. He was never seen again.

Ushiromiya Hideyoshi  
>Dead at the ninth twilight.<br>Left with the others to search for those missing. He was never seen again.

Ushiromiya Natsuhi  
>Dead on the tenth twilight.<p>

Welcomed into the golden land. There, she could meet her beloved daughter and husband once again.

Servant Kumasawa  
>Dead on the tenth twilight.<p>

Welcomed into the golden land. Left alone, bewildered, yet not a word spoken on her behalf.

Ushiromiya Battler  
>Dead on the tenth twilight.<p>

He turned the key, and brought the golden land to the island early. Is he a monster, to be condemned? He assisted in the murder of his relatives, and betrayed his new friends. Or is there still more to be seen?

"Kyon"  
>Dead on the tenth twilight.<p>

Brought prematurely to the golden land by Battler. With no truth of witches to guide his search, Kyon has given up all hope and falls to despair. The betrayal cuts deep, but he can no longer feel the pain. Will the paradise waiting for him provide what he needs?

Suzumiya Haruhi  
>Dead on the tenth twilight.<p>

Brought prematurely to the golden land by Battler. With no truth of witches to guide her, Haruhi rages against the heavens fruitlessly. The betrayal cuts deep, and it only serves to fuel her anger. Will the paradise waiting for her provide what she needs?


	7. Bonus: Tea Party

I woke up with the taste of dirt and ash in my mouth.

Every muscle in my body screamed out in pain; it felt like I had been run over, or had just been on the receiving end of an incredibly thorough ass-kicking.

A groan escaped my lips as I feebly tried to push myself off the ground, but my arms failed me, throbbing in protest.

I lay there on the ground, panting just from the effort required to do that much. Damn, what the hell happened to me? Last thing I remember I was in the room with the gold, and…

My thoughts were interrupted when a pair of strong hands wrapped around my waist and pulled me up, helping me to my feet and supporting me as my legs wobbled beneath me. I turned to thank my benefactor, but my voice caught in my throat as I saw that it was Battler.

That's right… The last thing I remember was Battler announcing that he was the culprit. Or the accomplice, but is that really such a fine line? He apparently had known the whole time, been a part of it from the beginning. All that talk about solving the mystery; was it just a sick game?

I almost wanted to recoil from him, to push him away, but I knew I'd just fall back to the ground stupidly so I allowed him to help me. Together we walked a few steps forward, and he set me down on what was apparently a bench. Haruhi was already there waiting for me, looking just as torn and beat up as I felt.

Battler just stood in front of the both of us and nobody said anything, so I took the chance to rest and get a better grip of my surroundings. We were in some kind of garden. It resembled the garden of the mansion, but only if you took it and put it into some twisted nightmare world.

Golden butterflies danced lazily through the hedges, their soft light illuminating strange and fantastic flowers of every color imaginable. The sky was dark, a deep pitch black, coupled with a mess of swirling dark clouds. I could vaguely see the silhouette of the mansion in the distance, but it seemed to twist and deform every time I tried to focus on one part or another.

"Where… are we?"

It was really the best question to ask. My voice sounded muffled, as if speaking on a quiet, snow covered night. The air in this place felt strangely heavy, like a deep fog, but there wasn't any noticeable humidity.

"Welcome to the Golden Land."

Okay, you said "Golden Land" a few times before, but what exactly does that mean? Battler shrugged before explaining.

"It could be considered a lot of things, really. The afterlife. Heaven. Hell. Purgatory. The end of the game. The underside of the chessboard. It's not really what it is that's important; it's who you can find here."

"The afterlife? Are you saying we're dead?"

Haruhi asked the question that was also on my mind. I certainly felt like I had died, or at least come very close to death.

"Death doesn't have the same meaning here. We live, we die and come to the Golden Land, and then the game resets and we start all over. Over and over. If I could escape this hell just by dying, it would've happened a long time ago."

Ignoring the morbid part there, what exactly do you mean by game? Why are you so much more familiar with this? What was the point of lying to us this whole time?

"I'm sorry, okay? It was all necessary, I swear. Well, most of it anyways. I kind of didn't think you were real at first so I was being a bit of a dick and I'm sorry for that too, but at least everything that's happened so far this game has all been for a good reason."

Battler kept rambling, and none of this was making any sense. So what, you're just insane? Sorry, but if there's a point, you'd better get to it soon. Battler stopped at my comment and sighed, shaking his head before continuing.

"I… Look, this is hard to explain. We're… all of us – We're just pieces. Like pieces on a chessboard. This whole thing, all of it. The murders, the island, the time loops: It's all just a sick game for the amusement of a higher power."

I… what? You can't be serious. I'm not one to take solipsistic mutterings seriously. If you want me to believe this is some crazy brain in a vat experiment than show me some proof.

…

Although, judging by these fantastical surroundings, I don't have much ground for skepticism.

"Proof? Hah. Do you want me to say it in red? Or better yet, why don't we go meet the Gamemasters? They're right over in the chapel. Throwing a party to celebrate their victory over **you.**"

That still doesn't make any sense. I followed Battler's wild gesticulating anyway and saw the chapel. It looked different; grander and more magnificent, almost like a cathedral. There was a sort of warm light coming from it, and now that I was paying attention I could hear the faint murmur of a crowd – Like a party.

"Tell me! Why we should believe anything you say at all? Just what was the point of messing me and Kyon this entire time?"

Haruhi's voice was bitter and angry. I stood up slowly, using the bench for support. My legs were still stiff and sore beneath me, but getting back on my feet for a bit will probably help more than just sitting there.

"Why should you believe me? I don't know. I have a plan, that's all. I think it can get us out of here; for real. Out of the game board itself and into the real world. If it works, I'm sure you'll thank me later. If not, than whatever. I've already done plenty of things to deserve a spot in the lowest rung of hell. What's one more?"

I helped Haruhi to her feet, and we stood facing Battler together. He sounded desperate and manic. I'm reminded of conspiracy theorists; the ones who absolutely need for you to see the _real_ truth behind something, and are tragically crushed by your inability to grasp the obvious.

"Look, the lying part: I've been waiting years for a chance like this to come around. Playing a game under the nose of the Gamemaster is very tricky business. I couldn't have told you anything, not without them finding out. You don't have to believe me I guess. Just… stick with me a little bit longer. There's one last thing I have to do. Besides, there's nowhere else for you to go here."

I'm still not quite sure I understand, but that last part unfortunately makes sense. This garden is shrouded with a mysterious darkness, and I'm not particularly sure I want to go exploring at random. It would be possible to just sit here and wait, I suppose, but wait for what?

Taking our silence as a sort of affirmation, Battler started walking in the direction of the chapel. I turned to Haruhi – She looked just as apprehensive as I felt, but I guess there really isn't much else of a choice? We shared a nod of silent agreement and followed after him slowly, supporting each other.

Nobody said anything as we followed the twisting path through the garden. The golden glow of the butterflies cast eerie and distorted shadows over everything, contrasting what would otherwise be bright and cheerful under normal lighting.

Finally, the chapel stood looming before us. There was a girl there, guarding a pair of massive double doors that stretched up into the sky. I had the oddly brief thought that doors like that would be incredibly impractical in real life.

"Yo, Dlanor. Long time no see."

Battler called out to the girl with familiarity as we approached. She was short, of an indeterminate age, and wearing an odd blue outfit with a massive gauntlet covering her left arm. She stared with cold, golden eyes as we approached before replying in monotone.

"Mister BATTLER. It is good to see YOU. I'm sorry, but you are not a welcome GUEST. Your name is not on the LIST."

She certainly has an odd method of speaking. Dlanor, was it? Don't tell me we've come this far only to get stopped by a bouncer.

"Hey, don't be like that. I'm sure my invitation just got lost in the mail. Come on, what's a little party crashing between friends? I've got unfinished business with the hostesses."

"NO. You cannot enter without an INVITATION. It is my duty as the door GUARD. I will not let anyone else PASS."

"Just the door guard, huh? They bring you all the way out here just to wait outside without enjoying yourself? You sure are moving up in the world, Miss Dlanor A. Knox."

Battler and Dlanor stared at each other, a strained tension filling the air. Her previously neutral expression had shifted to a sadistic, catlike grin; made all the more disturbing by her continuing monotone. This looks like it could get ugly fast. Hey, what about us? Do Haruhi and I have invitations?

"…"

Dlanor froze, breaking off her confrontation with Battler and turning to stare at us. After looking us over for a few moments, she pulled out a pair of reading glasses and a chart, peering down at a long list of names.

"I SEE. You two are free to ENTER. You are the guests of HONOR. Please PROCEED. You may bring one other with you, if you WISH."

Guests of honor? I'm not sure if I like the sound of that. At least that problem is solved. Dlanor turned and moved to the doors, preparing to push them open before turning back to address us.

"Mister BATTLER. Please be CAREFUL. Lady Bernkastel and Lady Lambdadelta are not playing by the RULES. **[Red] Knox's 8****th****: It is forbidden for the case to be resolved with clues that are not PRESENTED. [Red]"**

"I know, but thanks, Dlanor. Don't worry, I've got a plan."

I'm not entirely sure what that meant, but what's the surprise there? Whatever craziness is going on right now, it looks like Haruhi and I are just along for the ride. Her cryptic warning finished, Dlanor pushed the massive doors open, light and music flooding out to greet us.

…

Well, that's not what I was expecting.

The inside of the chapel was massive and filled with people. Well, people and demons. A lot of the guests of this "Party" were the same goat-headed demons I had seen before. Others appeared to be normal humans wearing goat head masks. I could even see Belphegor, and some other girls who were presumably the other 6 stakes of purgatory floating around. But that part I actually did kind of expect.

Far on the other side of the room, adorned on a pair of crosses in front of massive stained glass windows, and illuminated by a single shaft of light was, well…

"Kyon… Is that really us?"

Both Haruhi and I were bound to wooden crosses in thick, glowing red chains, hanging limply and apparently either dead or unconscious. It's not exactly the first time I've seen another 'me' before, but there's got to be an explanation for this, right?

Only a few 'people' seemed to react to our presence, glancing over in our direction as we came through the door then turning back, disinterested. All the goats and humans were dressed in fancy, ballroom attire, sitting at tables, drinking from wine glasses. It had all the trappings of an incredibly elegant gathering.

"Kyon… What you said about goats… and demons… that's really all this is, huh?"

Haruhi's expression was one of stunned disbelief. I put my hand on her arm to try and comfort her somewhat. Whatever this actually is, whether it's an illusion or we're actually dead – Let's just keep moving forward, okay?

"You don't have to believe what you see here. The Golden Land by its very definition is just an illusion."

Between mine and Battler's vague and useless reassurances Haruhi nodded slightly, swallowing audibly before we all continued forward. The doors closed behind us, and we made our way up the center aisle, occasionally ducking around guests who didn't get out of the way. Although the room was filled with the general din of conversation, two distinct voices became audible as we approached the altar of the chapel where our bodies were on display.

"Oh Bern, this is going to be so much fun! I can't wait – We haven't had new toys like this in such a long time! They put up quite the struggle, but it was a glorious victory for us in the end! What should we do with them first, huh?"

"Patience, Lambda. We have all of infinity to play with them until we get bored – until their bodies and spirits are broken, battered, and torn beyond all recognition. Especially that girl. There's something special about her, and if my suspicions are correct, a lot of new doors have opened up for us.

There was the clink of glasses meeting together, and as we reached the front of the crowd it was obvious who the voices belonged too. Two girls sat on elaborate thrones, turned to face each other as they sipped from glasses of wine. Whatever amusement they were sharing vanished when they caught sight of the three of us, their eyes widening with surprise.

"Kyon, Haruhi! These are the two I was talking about. Bernkastel and Lambdadelta: the Gamemasters. They're the ones responsible for everything."

Just telling us names doesn't really explain much, although I'll admit – this whole place kind of has a 'final boss' vibe to it. The whole room went silent at Battler's introduction, and both girls recovered from their momentary surprise, turning to peer down at us arrogantly.

"Look Bern! Some pieces made it into the party! Looks like that worthless doll at the door can't even do her job properly. What do you think, Battler? We won quite a spectacular victory over your friend's higher counterparts. Don't worry; we'll be leaving here shortly. We got what we came for, right? We're going to leave the game running of course, but if you get down and beg for mercy, we won't abolish those two pieces you're with now. Then the three of you can flounder around hopelessly forever – but you'll be together!"

Piece this, piece that. Whatever this conversation is about, it seems nobody was going to fill me in. Of course, Battler seemed to understand it all, considering he's apparently been aware of all this crap from the beginning. What a load.

"Spectacular victory? Don't make me laugh. All you did was resort to a cheap trick. And you call yourselves witches? Feh. Boo~ring."

Battler's scathing insult was punctuated by the sound of shattering glass as one of the guests apparently dropped something, then an icy silence. Both Lambdadelta and Bernkastel stared as if they'd just been slapped with a dueling glove.

"What right does a piece like you have to criticize me? You; stuck in and endless web of lies and illusions? If you think your fate is the worst torture that could be waiting for you, Battler, than you've sadly underestimated me."

"A web of lies and illusions? Please. How stupid do you have to be to actually believe that I couldn't figure out the truth after so long?"

As he met Bernkastel's cold threat, Battler crouched down, pulling something from the ground. It was… a sword? Yeah, there's no doubt. Like Arthur drawing Caliburn from the stone, Battler produced a sword of shining, golden light seemingly from nowhere. Judging by the gasps of surprise from around the room, this was as shocking to them as it was to me.

"Yeah. **[Red] I know the truth! [Red]** I have for a long, long time. How could I not figure out her heart after so long?_ But it doesn't matter, does it!_ I've uncovered every mystery this game board has to offer, stripped every truth bare!I've both stopped everyone from dying and killed every member of my family with my bare hands, just to see what would happen!"

Battler leveled his weapon at Bernkastel, a mad glint in his eyes as he continued his tirade.

"But none of it mattered! No matter what I did, who I saved, who I killed, I would just wake up the next day, and nobody but me would remember anything! You never put any clause for victory into this game – it's been nothing but a torture simulator from the very beginning!"

Battler's declaration hung in the air for a moment, before both witches burst with raucous laughter. Soon, the rest of the crowd followed suit, until only Haruhi and I weren't mocking his plight.

"Well well. You really are an entertaining piece, Battler. Did I really not put in a victory condition? How clumsy of me. I really shouldn't cut corners like that. But what of it? I can see by that golden longsword you really do know the truth – Do you plan to save your friends with it? Surely you still care for _her_, don't you? Will you expose her ugly, naked truth for them? Everyone here would certainly love to see it too. Not to mention, if you think saving them will save you, you're wrong."

Bernkastel's voice was mockingly warm, like a cat toying with its prey. Battler blanched, lowering his sword slightly, looking conflicted. What is all this? Who is this mysterious girl we keep hearing about? Beatrice, the one we met in the gold chamber? Where did she go, anyway?

"Ooh, Bern! I have a great idea!"

Lambdadelta dashed to Bernkastel's side and began whispering fervently in her ear. Whatever she said it must've been something she liked because Bern's smile grew into a sadistic grin.

"Oh, that's just _perfect_. Battler, I think we can work something out here. You see, after all the hard work we've done to acquire our new toys, I'd really hate to lose them. Since you know the truth, you can cut them down easily. But why bother? It won't get you what you want. But I can give it to you."

Bernkastel waved her hand, and a golden door appeared at the back of the chapel, in-between the two crosses bearing our other selves.

"Right there is the exit. It leads straight to the fragment sea and away from this game board forever. You've earned your freedom – Because of your accomplishment, I'll give you my blessing as the Witch of Miracles. You'll be a voyager just like us, free to roam all worlds and do whatever you please. You're even free to come back and hunt me down for revenge; though I'd suggest waiting a couple hundred years. You've still got a long way to go.

All you have to do is walk out the door and don't look back."

At her final statement, I froze, my mouth going completely dry. This has been pretty incomprehensible so far, but at least I could understand this much. Battler could get his freedom – after a thousand years of torture. All he had to do was leave us behind.

Yeah, these two were definitely the bad guys alright. It's the sadistic choice the villains always demand at the end, but the hero always decides to take a third option and thwart it anyways.

But, judging by the look in Battler's eyes, I don't think that's going to be happening this time. He took one look towards us, his eyes full of pain, regret, apology, but steeled his gaze and turned away, walking towards the door.

I made a half step towards him, to call out, to say something, but my voice caught in my throat. What could I even say? Ask him to refuse the offer? I mean, sure, we're friends, but we've only known each other for three days at the most. I loathe admitting it, but if our positions reversed, I'd probably do the same thing.

Haruhi let out a strangled cry of indignation, but I put my hand on her shoulder and shook my head. Just… let him go, okay? We'll find a way through this on our own.

I took the chance to look around the chapel some more as Battler made his way towards the door, listlessly dragging his sword behind him. It looks like we're surrounded by enemies on all sides. I'm not sure what all these demons are capable of, but I'd rather not stick around to find out. There's got to be something important about the other two of us on those crosses, right? Maybe we should try and get closer.

"Hah. Don't make me laugh. Do you really think I'd let you get what you want? Expose her heart in the process? Yeah right. Your pathetic red has nothing but shock value – Any idiot can weave a blue truth to beat it!"

With his hand inches from the doorknob, Battler turn and spun, slicing his sword towards the two crosses, the weapon leaving a trail of blue as it struck.

"_**[Blue] In regards to the murders of Shannon, Jessica, George, and Maria:**_

_**Your red truth has a glaringly obvious flaw – The statement of death for each person was only given at the end of the game! As long as one person was still alive and hiding in the room, these murders are still possible! They just died later for some unspecified reason, thus it becomes possible to say X is dead!**_

_**In regards to the murders of Eva and Rosa:**_

_**It was never stated that Eva and Rosa were killed in the library! The culprit found them in another room, killed them both, and then never left that room. Then I took both bodies to the library using the hidden door I created, and posed them there! **_

_**[Blue]"**_

"Two down, just one more to go. Hey, maybe you guys want to beg for mercy? The last one is tricky – You _almost_ built yourselves a perfect wall there. Your final closed room is an entirely self-constructed mystery, regarding who killed Dr. Nanjo. Again with the cheap tricks, but you made one tiny mistake; that allows me to construct this theory!"

[_**Blue] In regards to the murder of Dr. Nanjo:**_

_**It's still possible to kill Dr. Nanjo "Up close and personal" without being in the room! You just have to assume Dr. Nanjo was standing near the open door when the culprit snuck up and stabbed him; all without entering the room!**_

_**[Blue]"**_

A glorious arc of blue light severed the red chains holding us to the crosses, and I watched our forms fall to the ground painfully. Laughing jovially, Battler once again leveled his sword towards Bernkastel, who was already frothing with rage.

"You idiot! How dare you! You're stupid enough to pass up such a generous gift? I'll make you regret every moment I created you! I'll slice your pathetic truth to pieces! **[Red] Eva and Rosa died in the lib- [Red] **mmmph!"

Whatever Bernkastel was about to say, it was cut off as Lambdadelta grabbed her from behind, clamping her hands over her mouth.

"Bern, stop! If we challenge it, than that means the game is open for debate again, and we have the possibility of losing."

"Yeah, that's right. Come on. Deny my blue. But if you did that, and I happened to reveal the truth, you'd stand to lose a lot more than just your precious prizes.

I could feel the rage seeping from Bernkastel – the whole room seemed to heat up, and every guest suddenly vanished in a cloud of golden butterflies. Still keeping his sword leveled on the witches, Battler turned and called out to us.

"Yo, hurry up and get to yourselves! We don't have much time."

I turned to Haruhi and she met me with a wide grin, the happiest I'd seen her in what felt like a long time. We both made a mad dash for the altar, quickly reaching our own unconscious forms on the ground.

It was uncanny seeing me like that, but it wouldn't be the first time. I had a sneaking suspicion as to what would happen when I touched myself, and I was absolutely right.

A rapid stream of memories invaded my head, memories of these twisted girls and their antics, of watching myself on the game board, of living the experience himself. It was a twisted, distorted sensation of being in two places at once, seeing the same thing from different eyes. The simultaneous guilt of treating myself as a piece, and revulsion at learning I was a piece.

It was all over in an instant, and there was just one of me there. Looking over, I could see Haruhi had gone through the same thing. My head hurt, but at least I've been through this before. I stood up wearily, turning to our savior.

"Thanks, Battler. Looks like we owe you one. But what do we do now?"

Bernkastel was screaming now, and I could only see the whites of her eyes. An intense, increasing heat was radiating out from her, and if this continued for much longer we'd all be cooked alive. Lambdadelta seemed to be holding onto her in a sort of full nelson, trying to calm her down, but it wasn't working. Is that golden sword of yours strong enough to defeat them?

"In a straight up fight? Nope, not a chance. Sorry man, but I didn't think this far ahead. Well, you guys still have a chance. Here, catch."

Battler flicked something back towards us, a shining gold speck of light. I caught it without thinking, and saw it was a tiny butterfly. As the light warmed my hand, I realized it was a bit of knowledge – a tiny golden truth, and I knew how we could get out of here.

But then…

"Battler! What about you? Do you really expect us to leave you here with her?"

"Kyon, no way! I won't let him sacrifice himself like that!"

"Aww, come on guys, you're embarrassing me. Don't worry about it. I have my own plan; I just can't do it when you're still here."

Are you absolutely sure of this? Look, those two are ruthless. We can't let you fight them alone.

"You can, and you will. I'll ask you one last time. Do you trust me?"

I stopped, and turned to Haruhi. Did we trust him? I gave into doubt and despair before, but he proved me wrong anyways. I think we owe him this much. Haruhi looked troubled, but slowly nodded before shouting back.

"I swear, if we don't see you again, I'll find you somehow, and make whatever these witches did to you look like child's play! Promise you'll come find us!"

"Yeah. It's a promise. Now hurry."

I held out the golden butterfly to Haruhi and she put her hand on it, the soft glow becoming much more intense. With a final nod, we took a deep breath, and delivered our final lines.

"Hey you two! I know we did it before, but let me introduce us again. **[Red] I'm Haruhi Suzumiya, and you can call him Kyon! [Red]"**

"" We're sorry to spoil your fun, but –

**[Red] The only time we existed on Rokkenjima is the summer of 2011. [Red]""**


End file.
